How many wheat fields had to die for this?

Tuesday Tutorial is below this post.

This post will be a primer on the ridiculous. Yesterday I met with a good friend and we did some shopping, and had some lunch. We went to the Cheesecake Factory and after seeing the lengthly menu, I was overwhelmed. My friend made her choice, and confused at what to choose, I picked the first thing on the page I was currently viewing; a chicken pot pie. It seemed a benign choice at best and I figured I could have something to more exciting to write about later, during dinner. I was wrong.

bigger than your fist
Originally uploaded by foodchronicles.

The waitress took our order, gave us our drinks and casually asked if we would care for bread while we waited. My friend responded in the positive and soon a basket with delicious pumpernickel and sour dough slices was at our table.

After a few minutes I saw an odd look on my friend's face and turned to see what she was grimacing at. The waitress was headed our way with what looked like an alien invasion of Phyllo puffed pastry. She whispered to herself, "Please let that be for someone else, just keep walking..." No such deal. The mother ship had landed. Laughter began as giggles and eventually burst forth as we took in the enormity of the puffed pastry atop the chicken "pie". This this is larger than my hand, Larger than my head!

I like bug buns
Originally uploaded by foodchronicles.

My first reaction was, "This is why 3rd world nations hate us!" Which was followed immediately by, "This is why America is FAT!" Look at the size of this thing!

"It's takes a village...it feeds a village!"
"Does this qualify the waitress for workmen's comp?"
"If it hovered we could use it for Mars Attacks 2."
"It could frighten small children and elderly ladies."
"I like big buns and I cannot lie!...even white boys gotta shout!"
"APNews: Entire Pillsbury Dough Boy's Family Wiped Out At Local Restaurant. Witnesses report, "He has no enemies, although his ego has been inflated lately.""
"If only I had a Flint-mobile and a rack of Stegosaurus to hang on the outside of my car window..."
"Change this photo to black and white and you have the original first wheel."
"Does this lunch make my bun look big?"
"Can I have a U-HAUL car top carrying case instead of a doggy bag?"
"If I punched a small hole I could wear it like phyllo dough turban!"
"Forget Ninja Stars, throw this at the bad guy."
"You could use this like Captain America's shield!"
"Having an affair at work? Take your someone special to Cheesecake Factory for lunch and hide behind this. Your secret is safe!"
"Need to find out enemy secrets? Force them to eat this or tell. You'll be Head of the C.I.A. in no time!"

What was the waitress thinking when she asked us (knowing we had order the above monster) if we wanted bread? Was she kidding? Do they make bets everyday on what idiot will order the chicken pot pie and become the object of conversation in the restaurant? Seriously, the folks around us were laughing as well. One gal leaned over and asked us what "it" was! I have to admit the comment about the Flint-mobile came from one lady who thought it belonged to Fred Flintstone! It's nice when your lunch (normally a lighter meal of the day) is a party starter! Need to get a conversation going at your next event? Call the Cheesecake Factory and order this baby! Oh My HECK!

(originally posted back in 2005, however the I met with the same friend yesterday, Chronicler, and we went to the C.F. for lunch...we had a good laugh remembering and I thought you would too!)