Oh What Do You Do In The Summertime...

When all the world is green? Do you fish in a stream, or lazily dream on the banks as the clouds go by?
Do you swim in a pool to keep yourself cool, or swing in a tree up high?

Do you march in parades or drink lemonades, or count all the stars in the sky?
Oh what do you do in the summer time, when all the world is hot? Do you drive with Grampa, pet a bear with big claws? or pretend to be Dan'l Boone? Do you you to the park before it gets dark and see the log cabin there? Do you eat M&Ms, and make cool new friends and wish that the day never ends? Is that what you do?

So do I.

Girly girl stuff!

When I was with my Daughter in law last, I asked her if she would teach me how to crochet those cute little baby socks. After all, I have a baby girl to dress now!

D-i-l said yes and said they were super easy. (she actually made 60-some pairs as a Young Women's Project back in the day. She then donated them all to a shelter. Can you imagine getting these cute socks for your baby?)

So while she nursed L'il Bit, she walked me through a pair of socks. I finished the pair in about 23 hours...well maybe it was a tad shorter than that, but I felt really awkward that first pair! I left her with the first set and then came home and made a few more. And yes, they got easier each set. (but don't ask for a tutorial one this, I don't think I am that capable!)

I thought it would be cute to see if I could also do the same technique on a onesie. That was fun. Not. But I love the fuzzy soft look so I may actually do it again! I started with the pink fuzzy pair, went on to the onesie and then hit up the lavender and then D-i-l's favourite, the silver sparkle-y ones.

See? You can teach an old dog a new trick!




Update: Ok. I slept on it and it's driving me crazy. So look for a tutorial in about a week.

TIMOTHY

Here's another set, this time for a little guy named "Timothy". He is a huge fan of the movie "Automobiles", so his parents wanted his letters to reflect that theme in his room.

Luckily for me, this was a 'freebie' job so they didn't complain about the way the cars actually came out. Yikes! I need to work on drawing cars more often...these are a tad funky.

Tomorrow: Not letters but a recycle project!

NATHAN

I hope you don't mind, but here goes some more of those projects that have been keeping me busy.

A while back I did two sets of nursery letters. One thing leads to another and it seems that I am getting a bit of business decorating wood letters now! This is way fun! This set spells out "Nathan" whose mother said loves all kinds of animals, so we have the following in his name:

a shark, a lady bug, a skunk, and a peacock "eye".

a turtle shell, flamingo feathers, and giraffe skin.

an orca/killer whale, snake skin, and cheetah print (his personal favourite).

tiger , zebra, brown bear, and alligator skins.

butterfly wings, brown cow, raccoon eyes, and a clown fish.

a toucan, an elephant, a honey bee, jaguar and dalmatian skin.

All they need now is a ribbon and to be placed on the wall!

Tomorrow: More letters!

Gramma Camp

Day One:
We went straight to the park and played a "round" of golf, (with rules adjusted slightly), raced so many races Mogli decided he was "done with races gramma!", scaled all kinds of play ground equipment, and went home so Rafiki could take a nap.

While Rafiki napped, Mogli and I made all kinds of noodle necklaces, played a few games, and watched Stuart Little. Rafiki woke up and Mogli fell directly to sleep!

When everyone woke up we went in search of hot dog buns and bird seed. After baths and family prayer Rafiki went to bed and Mogli and gramma made wild bird feeders.

Today (day two) we got up (6:30!), ate Mickey Mouse pancakes with "French Toast stuff (confectioner's sugar) instead of syrup please", dressed, and made a trip to the car wash, which was closed, grrrr. So off to the fish hatchery! Neither had been there before and let me tell you- they were amazed! We strolled up and down each isle and saw how they grew from tiny baby fish into big grampa fish! Lucky us, we also got to meet the workers as they were in the process of cleaning the "tanks". Interesting at any age; the only problem being that once the machinery had dredged through a "tank" it was very murky and difficult to see the individual fish. Luckily we had seen most of the fish before it got to that stage.

Back home for Rafiki's nap and then back to the park in the afternoon. We hung our bird feeders in the lowest branch we could find (gramma is practically a dwarf, small limbs make it difficult to reach the taller branches). Then we filled a jug with water and set out to make a sand castle! The wind was particularly strong this afternoon, so we plan to try again tomorrow morning. Instead we worked through the equipment again and met some other children who were waiting for a bus transfer. They kids had a blast and ran poor gramma to near extinction!

We coloured pages and pages, made a few other things, and had "yo-grit" at snack time. Read a couple (dozen) books, sang songs and did a bit of dancing. Bath time, phone calls to mommy and daddy, and tomorrow we start it all again.

We've done three loads of laundry in two days and finished off the oatmeals cookies and a fair share of strawberry milk straws. The best thing of the day today? When Mogli sneaked off down the hall to look at the family hand prints. Measuring each one he found a perfect match...his own daddy's! He was so excited they fit and he insisted on a photo moment, which of course we did. So cool.






Bird-feeder Update: We went back to the (freezing) park this morning and the bird feeders resembled a Denny's in Sun City on a Saturday morning! There was actually a small line of birds hanging out at the Giant Claw machine, just waiting for their table to open up. As we left I think I heard a pigeon shout: "Quail, party of three, Quail, party of three..."

Dying Dry Pasta for Crafts

This is another terrific idea that is cheap, easy, and loads of fun. All the items are found in your pantry or cupboard, and it can be done in a matter of minutes.

Dry pasta, dyed to beautiful vibrant colours to be used in crafts or strung as beads. Not only will you catch on to this quickly, you'll wonder why you didn't know about it sooner! Included in the video also is a great SAFE toddler "needle" that you can make.

We will be employing the newly dyed "beads" during Gramma Camp* to make all kinds of fun projects. Take a look! Spark an idea for that toddler party, children's art project, lesson craft, or school assignment!

*We did this craft this afternoon and we had FUN! Mogli made one for each of his girl cousin's and one for his Aunt! He kept saying, "This is fun gramma!" and we will probably be making some more tomorrow!

"We can help, but YOU have to make the call..."

Ahh, kids. Back in the day I would gather up all of my 5, and a couple of other kids, and we'd pile into the minivan and head out for school every morning. I was the Kool-Ade Mom on the block, so I got a lot of kids hanging out at the house both before and after school. I loved that.

This was the day before law required seat belts. Yes there used to be a havoc in the streets and people just threw their offspring haphazardly into the back of whatever vehicle they owned and off they went. Let me tell you, a kid understood the laws of physics much faster back then.

We had the first Caravan off the line! It looked like a small white refrigerator on four wheels. Yeah, we were stylin'! We had bucket seats in front a 3 passenger bench seat in the middle, which did have a baby car seat, and the third row consisted of two folding lawn chairs. Heck, those third seats were EXPENSIVE! Ingenuity! Thor went down to Thrifty's and picked up to lawn chairs for a total of $12. When the kids complained about not having a seat belt, Thor took two of his old belts and wove them between the plastic webbing and TA-DA! seat belts! It was really fun to watch the boys tip over when you took a turn a little fast...they loved that. (You should have seen the face plants when you had to brake fast!)

The morning routine was:
1.Everyone in the neighborhood who needs a ride to school meet at the house.
2. Have neighborhood prayer. (It used to be just family prayer, but the kids began to protest so that circle on the living room floor got rather big.)
3. Everyone pile in the car. Leave the car seat for the youngest; and find a seat, or just stand, whatever... it's only 6 or 7 blocks.
4. Grab my hot chocolate travel mug.
5. DRIVE!
6. Unload everybody and their duck.
7. Drive home.
8. Do this all again in reverse at 2.

One Wednesday, (I know it was Wednesday, because in our house each kid was assigned a day. This part of the story is about #3, and the third day is Wednesday...see how this all works out?) Anywho, #3 is in the front seat crying as we leave. Everything went well until we start to pull out of the drive and she just began crying....hard.

I inquire to her distress and she burst out with, "YOU NEED HELP MOM! I LOVE YOU, BUT YOU NEED HELP!" I am even more curious so I ask why I need help? "BECAUSE YOU DRINK AND DRIVE ---EVERYDAY! AND NO ONE IS SUPPOSED TO DRINK AND DRIVE!" I tried (not to laugh) to calm her down and she begins telling me that "there are hot-lines" and that I "am not alone", and that "there are people who can help " me, but that I "have to make the first step". "And while we're talking about it, THE BABY NEEDS HELP TOO! SHE ALSO HAS A DRINKING PROBLEM!" and the crying reaches an almost fever pitch. She is completely undone.

Now, in the back seat and the lawn chairs, other children are beginning to come undone also, only with laughter, which doesn't help the situation up front.

I finish the drive to school and drop off the minions but keep back screaming Mimi. I try to calm her down. She finally gets to a point where she is sounding more and more like Mary Richards, with a very high pitched staccato voice. "The. Ba. AY. BEeeee. Has. A. Drink. Ink. Ing. Prob. Lem!" (Oh Mr. Grant!) "Ev. REeee. Time. She. Drink. Inks. She. E. SPIIILLLLS!"

After a long talk I convince her we'll get the help we need; and resolve to never allow her to watch t.v. again.

I am sad to report, that after all these years, I still drink and drive.

The Baby Care Center, Safe Harbour for Some, Tip of the Iceburg for Others

One good thing about Disney is they have thought of just about everything. For instance, a baby care center where mommy can safely go to nurse the baby, change a flooding diaper, and also little ones can use a tiny toddler potty sized just for them.

As you can see from the photo, daddy can not. (Is this the saddest photo ever? These guys look as if they have just sent their wife and child down the life boat shoot and into the dark waters of the Atlantic!)

Trust me when I say, depending on the day, the trusted employees can be easily named "Master and Commander", as they will not, even under threat of death, allow anyone save mother and child "under a specific height and age", into the sacred inner sanctum of comfy sofas and changing tables.

I was there this summer with my d-i-l and they would not allow me to go with her to watch her 4 year old while she nursed the baby; I had to take him outside. "Tough noogies". Not even a child crying for his mother would soften these guardians of diapers, bottle warmers, and pint sized porcelain.

So we wait; the forlorn and hopeful. We persons without working mammary and empty diaper bags. And we stare at the seemingly innocent brick facade of separation and loneliness.

Hopefully, like rescue ships on the horizon, our loved ones will return to us. Until then we must console ourselves with a fresh churro from across the street.

Sunday Morning with the kids

The last few weeks or so I have been working with the children's chorister and the President of the Primary (children's church) in our ward (congregation) helping them prepare to sing and sign a song for their program next Sunday. This program is called "The Children's Sacrament Meeting Presentation" and then followed by the yearly theme. Most of us call it: "The Best Sunday of the Year".

Each year the children learn Gospel principles and in the last quarter of the year they get to present what they have learned in the Sacrament Meeting (the main worship meeting on Sundays for LDS people). Their program is filled with music and, usually, each child has a speaking part explaining in a sentence or two, what they personally have learned. There are no scripts. The children are asked certain questions and their answers are what is presented. Children, being unpredictable no matter how well rehearsed or practiced, are still the best teachers and the most entertaining.

Our grand son, Mogli, was in his first presentation a month ago. He is 4 years old and went up to the pulpit and almost sang his 'part' in a roller coaster voice of excitement as he proclaimed very clearly and loudly into the microphone: "I am HAAAAAPPY because I get to GOOOOO to CHURCH!" He wasn't too keen on vocally singing, although when I asked him, he replied: "I said my talk gramma and then I sang in my head."

This morning was my last visit in to the Primary room, and it was so lovely and Spirit filled I left in tears. The words they sang were beautiful. They sing about 12 or so songs and they all just gave me goose bumps. The children sang with much expression and joy. I am really blessed that get to help them out with one song. The words to the song we get to sign are:

If you don't walk as most people do, some people walk away from you.
But I won't. I won't.

If you don't talk as most people do, some people talk and laugh at you.
But I won't. I won't.

I'll walk with you. I'll talk with you. That's how I'll sow my love for you.

Jesus walked away from none. He gave His love to everyone.
So I will. I will.

Jesus blessed all He could see, then turn and said, "Come follow Me."
So I will. I will.
I will. I will.

I'll walk with you, I'll talk with you.
That's how I'll show my love for you.

The English to this song is awesome enough, but when you see the ASL and read it literally the words have even more meaning:

If you walk different, some people walk away from you.
I won't. I won't.

If you talk different, some people gossip and mock you.
I won't. I won't.

I will go to you, walk with you side by side. I will approach you for conversation.
My actions will show I love you.

Jesus walked away from none. He gave His love to everyone.
I will. I will be the same as God Jesus.

Jesus blessed everyone. Then He God said, Come, follow me.
I will. I will follow Him. I will be the same as God Jesus. I will.

I will go to you, walk with you side by side. I will approach you for conversation.
My actions will show I love you.

These little kids, 3 years old to 12, were so amazingly beautiful with their expression as they learned to sign this song. And today as they stood to practice one last time before their presentation next Sunday, wow, they blew me away. You could really feel the Holy Spirit in the room and their sweet dedication to do as they had learned. What a Sunday lesson.

Mickey Mouse Monday! Finding Nemo Subs!

Thor and I decided to make a pilgrimage to check out Finding Nemo Submarine Adventure, or whatever it is called....Finding Nemo.

Replacing (finally) the pond and subs that have been there stagnate for years. With a new bright yellow paint job and plenty of hype, we wondered...

Is the Finding Nemo ride worth the wait? click here to find out more

Part 4: An Example Chart

This is an example of a chart that I made years ago. It has a different colour for each child on the top, and then colours for mom and dad on the bottom. (You can adapt this to your needs.) Each section has five minute increments, beginning with the bedtime and going backwards, which can be marked off.
The bottom of the chart is an illustration that shows that "obedience equals happiness and a correct bedtime" on the left; and that disobedience equals unhappiness and an early bedtime.



You may need to click on each photo to see clearly the illustrations, but you get the idea. And yes, my kids went to bed at 7:00 until they were in 6th grade.

Part 3: Family Home Evening Lesson Outline

Now that you know the basic foundation for the program here is an outline to help your children understand exactly how you will train each other for happiness. The idea is, that instead of arguing and disobedience, choosing to obey, and being disciplined will result in more happiness -which is its own reward. An obvious reward for obedience (using this system) is that everyone will go to bed on time and not have to miss out on family time.

Every time a person chooses disobedience or arguing, that person will take five minutes off of their bedtime. They will recognize their behavior, admit it to the parent, and promise to try and choose better. At the end of the day, one half hour before the earned bedtime, they will begin the bedtime routine. After that time (the half hour before the bedtime) any (each) act of disobedience will result in five minutes off for the following day. If a person goes to bed other than the regular time, that person will not get a story or other bedtime 'perks'. Prayers will be said, the parent will tell the child (at least five) things they did right and tuck them in. If a child goes to bed before dinnertime, they will still go to bed, and when dinner time has come, they will get a sandwich and a glass of milk. They get out of bed only to re-brush their teeth. They only go potty if they get permission. Any "pretending" adds five minutes off the next day.

Every bedtime should include prayers and mom and/or dad sharing (at least five) things the child did correct during that day, reinforcing the good behaviours and letting the child feel forgiven and accepted.

If mom and dad goof up, say a naughty word or whatever you decide, there is a spot on the chart for you to take responsibility for your mistake as well. At the end of the week the children get to decide how to spend those minutes, as a family, with you.

A chart that should be laminated and used with a dry wipe marker to mark off the five minute increments for disobedience. Each person in the family will have their own colour, mom and dad can share colours if you want. Place the chart low enough on the fridge so that every child can mark on it and "read" it easily. An example chart will be posted after this. When you make up your family's chart try to make it so that any non-readers can understand the concept clearly by observing the illustrations.

A key to the success for this system is that you will train yourself NOT to argue or debate with your children. Never. You are the parent, they are the children. You train them, not the other way around. Later, in their teen years they can discuss points, but in tones that are rational and with respect and obedience without argument to your final decision. Your children will not be robots without opinion, but rather young adults who can discuss and accept the will of wiser parents with trust. In turn you may even find they have a great reason and change your opinion due to their self control and good use of language!

Always pattern your parenting to that of Heavenly Father and you'll do fine.

Most all other questions should be answered in the following outline. However, if you come up with a question, feel free to ask away and I will try to explain it better.







Family Night Overview

Opening Song: Choose the Right Way CS 160

Opening Prayer:

Scripture: “ And ye will not suffer your children that they go hungry, or naked; neither will ye suffer that they transgress the laws of God, and fight and quarrel one with another, and serve the devil, who is the master of sin, or who is the evil spirit which hath been spoken of by our fathers, he being an enemy to all righteousness.
But ye will teach them to walk in the ways of truth and soberness; ye will teach them to love one another, and to serve one another.” - Mosiah 4:14-15

Ask each family member to tell of a time when they felt really happy.

Explain that Heavenly Father and Jesus want us to be happy all the time. When we look at the times when we are happy it is usually when we are obedient and following the commandments of God. Commandments are like God’s rules.

Our home also has rules. What are some of our rules?

When we follow the home and family rules we are happy.

Satan does not want our family to be happy. He has come up with a plan to make us sad. It has a name: Contention. (3 Nephi 11:29) Contention means to argue or fight with each other, to use mean voices and angry words. When we disobey the family rules it makes Satan happy and God sad. It makes us sad too. We are Heavenly Father’s children; we feel the same way Heavenly Father feels when we obey and when we do not obey. We do not want contention in our home; we want to feel happy inside.

Our bedtime rule is that the children go to bed at 7:00 so they can have a good night sleep and wake up happy and ready for a new day.

Let’s talk about a new rule to help make us happy. It is a choosing rule. You will get to choose for yourself to obey or disobey.

Do you think it would help if we started to think carefully about our words and actions? Our words and actions need to be nice. We need to speak nicely to each other, not argue or fight, and to obey Mommy and Daddy without arguing.

Do you think we can choose correctly and make Heavenly Father and ourselves happy all the time?

Here is a special chart that will help all of us learn to choose the right and make changes so that we can be a happier family.

If we choose well all day long, we will get to eat dinner with the family and spend family time until our bedtime. Mommy and Daddy will spend the time right before bedtime helping you take a bath, brush your teeth, and get ready for bedtime. We will share a story, tell you the things you did right all day, say our prayers and sing a song before you go to sleep. That would make us all happy, right?

When we choose to disobey, or uses mean words, or argue, we will lose 5 minutes of the day. This means that we will need to go to bed five minutes earlier. If we choose to disobey the family rules we will go to the chart with Mommy or Daddy and cross off the bedtime by five minutes. We will also have to tell Mommy or Daddy what we chose to do wrong and say we are sorry and try to choose better.

It takes us a half hour to get ready for bed. So at the end of the day Mommy or Daddy will check the chart and when we are a half hour from the bedtime you have chosen, we will come and get you and help you get ready for bed. We will help you take your bath, brush your teeth, and get ready for bed. We will say prayers with you, tell you the things you did right, and tuck you in.

We will not get a story or a song if we choose to go to bed early. If we choose to go to bed before dinnertime, when it is dinnertime Mommy or Daddy will bring us a sandwich and a glass of milk. We will not be allowed to get out of bed without permission; if we choose to disobey then we will lose 5 minutes off of the next day. Even if it’s sunny outside or we are not tired we will need to rest quietly in our bed. If we have to go potty, we will need to ask Mommy or Daddy to get out of bed. If we choose to pretend or be disobedient after we are in bed, then we will choose to lose another five minutes for the next day.

_______will be the red colour, _____ will be the blue, and ______will be yellow. Mommy and Daddy will help you to choose the right. If you argue with Mommy or Daddy you are choosing to lose five minutes.

If Mommy and Daddy use angry words or disobey the family rules they will choose to put 5 minutes on the chart. At the end of the week, we will count up all the minutes. The children in the family can decide how to spend the time with Mommy and Daddy.

Do we think we can change for the better and make us all happy? Do you think that Heavenly Father will be happy with us?

I know that Heavenly Father will be very happy that our family is trying to be obedient and not allow Satan to make our choices.

Let’s begin this tomorrow and see how much we more happy we can be by next week!

Closing Song: Quickly I’ll Obey CS 197
Closing Prayer:







In all honesty, the first day we applied this system, #1 went to bed at 3:30! Wow. Not one of the kids made it past 5:30. It was one of the toughest days of my life! The next day it got better, and the day after that it was great. By the end of week two the kids were only missing bedtime by 20 minutes or so. Eventually, (a few years later) we decided that when a child reached the sixth grade they could go to bed "whenever". It was an easy rule, because they were self disciplined by then. They knew the rules, they knew they had to get up at a certain time, no matter what, so they usually chose well.

This disciplined all of us so well that I can also honestly say that I can count on less than one hand the times my kids talked back to me after we implemented this program. Imagine your teenagers NEVER giving you back talk, never raising their voice to you, and rarely to their siblings. It was years of practice, but it worked.

Part 2: The Base

When we think about it, Heavenly Father never argues with anyone. He does not debate. He sets a certain standard and expects us to follow that standard. When we choose to disobey there is an established consequence already in place that follows. The same is true for obedience, there are set rewards for obedience and we receive those rewards according to our obedience to Heavenly Father. This is a great example for us to follow as we parent our children.

Heavenly Father allows us the opportunity to grow and learn, to repent and change. We can take advantage of this gift each time we make a mistake and try to better ourselves immediately. Heavenly Father recognizes the person who is trying to repent. He forgives our mistakes and helps us to listen better to the Spirit, which will help us to choose more wisely our thoughts, actions and words.

Teaching children to understand the process of agency is important. Many times members of the church refer to this as “free agency”. It is true we are “free” to choose, however agency comes with rewards and consequences. We can choose the act, but not the reward or consequence.

Our thoughts lead our words and actions. Helping children to understand they think about their choices before they act is vital to their becoming aware of their agency and their own responsibility. Reminding them that they are constantly choosing for themselves will help them accept the rewards and consequences for their chosen behaviors. Re-enforcing good behavior is always preferred, however children must also have boundaries and understand with clarity when they have crossed over those boundaries.

Little children learn very early on what “yes” and “no” mean. If they can say “no” they understand its’ meaning well enough to begin practicing obedience.

As children grown in understanding they can be taught that only Heavenly Father can refuse to forgive; we are commanded to forgive all. However, when things become very serious, Heavenly Father will remove someone from the group – kind of like “time out”, to keep the group safe from harm. In society, when adults behave badly, in a very serious way, they too are removed from the group and set apart so that they do not harm anyone in the group. This kind of “time out” is called “jail” or “prison”. Their agency is taken away and someone with the proper authority chooses for them. In both of these examples there are times when the person who has behaved badly will repent and be brought back into the group, forgiven and allowed to live, choosing for themselves again. In other cases, when they have behaved so badly they do not repent, they will sit in a "time out" and not be allowed to make their own decisions. They lose their agency because they have not made enough correct decisions. They do not live with their families, friends, or get to leave “time out”.

In our homes children need to understand clearly the boundaries Heavenly Father has set and the ones that we as a family have set. Children need consistency so they can choose correctly each time and know what to expect.

Children need to understand the difference between discipline and punishment. A disciplined child will be educated, love learning, be obedient and eventually live the standards necessary for acceptance into adult society, clubs, etc. and if a member of the church -a temple recommend. Discipline is a gift, most times without tangible rewards. Children will need help recognizing these rewards as they come along. Constant reminders of “hidden” rewards for a disciplined life will help them appreciate rules and boundaries that help them towards goals.

Hidden rewards can be earning good grades, being the good friend, finishing projects, helping others, etc.

Hopefully as we train ourselves to be better parents, our children will become self-disciplinarians and the parent role can evolve (around year 18!) from caregiver and teacher to adviser and friend. “I teach them correct principles and let them govern themselves.” – Joseph Smith

Are you frustrated as a parent? So was I.

A long time ago I found myself alone with five children as Thor went off in search of a dinosaur to whack over the head and throw into our cave. I was out numbered and the offspring got restless. I couldn't blame them or Thor, it was my fault. I was inconsistent and it frustrated everyone.

One particular day I found the very ugly side of myself and thought I was the worst mother in the world. I grew up in a spanking world. I was taught to spank. Spanking solved everything. If I got into trouble I was to go outside, pull down a slim branch, spend a few minutes bending it back and forth until it broke off the tree, and then hand it over to my mother who disciplined me with said twig. Although I never went that far, I did spank and I regret each and every one of those spankings.

I remember them and what is worse, my children remember them. Do we remember what caused them to be spanked? Nope, just the punishment that came from anger and left its emotional mark on my kids. My kids are grown now, and have forgiven their dolt of a mother. I have not.

We have been admonished by a prophet of God, now, recently, to give up the spanking. I wish I had heard that speech when my little ones were little. My spanking was encouraged, even praised, and I had well behaved children to prove the method. However one day I broke. I couldn't do it anymore. So I prayed. Hard.

What I came up with was marvelous. It worked! It was HARD. Especially on me, because I had to change. The training was more for me than the kids. But change I did, and they followed; and after one heck of a week things began to turn very well. I still had the best behaved kids I knew, just without the spanking, arguing and other messes that led to all of our frustrations. My kids were happy and content; and so was I.

So here you go. I have been asked by a few people to finally get this out there in hopes that the masses (read: the 5 people who read this blog) can find it as useful as I did. Please read through all the posts and feel free to adapt it to your particular circumstances and family.

Mister Rogers

Every once in a while you come across a post, or a comment that makes you sit up and reread it. The following is one that did that for me. Following the passing of Mr. Rogers, a thread began on
MetaFilter, analyzing the personality of Fred Rogers. Some of the comments were nostalgic, some were cynical, some were a comment, not only on Mr. Rogers, but our society.

There are some misspellings, and some terms and words that I don't approve of, but all in all, I believe that "Pastabagel" has said something important.

You know, it's quite a strange thing. The single most common adjective applied to Mister Rogers in this and other thread is the word 'creepy'?

I think I know why he strikes people as creepy. It's because his isn't at all 'cool'. There is no cynicism, no irony, no condescension in him at all. He is not simply unhip, he is ahip. And this is what people calling him creepy are picking up on.

We are conditioned to traffic in cool. You have to look cool, not look nice or distinguished or presentable, but cool. But it's all so generic. Everyone seems to have the same new haircut that no one 5 years ago had. We all have the same cynical politics.

Something about the counterculture from the 60's is still with us but it has been co-opted into a form of synchronized periodic obsolescence and mockery of that which came before. There is something fundamentally anti-intellectual about this, but I can't quite articulate it. There some element of arrogance there. Like everyone is perpetually 18.

Cool is America's code, and I really do think this is an American problem, because cool is propagated mainly though mass media, and there is no greater media saturated culture on earth than America's. Will I look cool wearing this? Will I sound cool saying this, or reading this or doing this. We're committing mass murder in other parts of the world because somebody figured out how to make violence cool and tough-talk politics cool, and then they combined the too. Swagger is cool. Cowboys and fighter jets and JDAMs and war porn are cool. So that's what we have. We are the Kingdom of Whatever.

Of course he hated ad-libbing on camera, because ad-libbing on camera is inexcusably lazy. It's what you do so you don't have to write or rehearse. Actors and comedians and musicians improvise as a way of living within a moment that is in some way artificial. A method actor may improvise because he is trying to become the character, but he isn't the character to begin with. A Jazz musician improvises because while the structure and the changes are the same, and the audience is familiar with them, the particular moment of performance is not, and that has it's own emotional context.

Mister Rogers was the same guy, so why improvise? The show wasn't about his character, it was about the kids, os you have to work out ahead of time how best to communicate with the child viewers. Everything was planned.

He talks slowly not because kids are dumb but because as studies have shown, children's brains are considerably more active than adults', and they need time to return to the original thought communicated to them after branching off in multitudinous directions.

The puppets? Puppets are good because they are considerably smaller than the human actors around them, and thus kids perceive them as safe. They look like toys. Contrast this with a giant seven foot all yellow bird, and ask yourself which inspired more nightmares.

The show is glacially paced and had the same structure with the same things happening in the same order because children respond to structure and routine is a source of comfort, particularly in children whose lives were anything but predictable.

Maybe that's what cool is - withdrawing from the context of one's life into an artificial one, in which the cool perceives itself to be somehow outside of reality, looking in and commenting on it. But this isn't insight, it's not reflecting on the world. It's standing at the edge of the world sniping into it.

Mister Rogers isn't creepy. CSI with is gruesome bloody corpses every Thursday at promptly 9:14 EST is creepy. Thirty million people looking at that and snaking on chips while they watch is creepy.

Listening to some rapper sing about his genitals and sexual conquests is creepy. Approach crowds of people and talk to them about the aroused state of your genitals, and watch how quickly you end up in a squad car. But somehow it's ok on TV because...why exactly?

Watching a war unfold on television in near real time is beyond creepy. It is obscene. You watch people screaming over their dead loved ones, and then you turn it off and go have dinner, or go to bed? No empathy, no revulsion. What the hell kind of civilization is this?

You know, I watched some 9-11 footage on youtube the other day (because I'm a masochist, apparently), and it occured to me that in the 6 years since it happened, I've never once heard anyone say "I'm sorry for those people who are so consumed by hate for people they've never met and places they've never been. What can we do to lift that burden from them?"

Because that isn't cool. That's being a pussy (or a fag if you are on FreeRepublic). There's no posture to be struck there, no pose. It's something that has to be done in earnest, and that's what's been lacking in the American culture.

Think about the Pope, entering the cell to confront his assassin. He forgave him, we all know that. But can you imagine the conversation? Can you imagine either someone being so perceptive that they can reach into a perfect stranger and expose their soul, or someone whose personality is so shallow that their emotions or ideologies are so shallow that any attempt to probe their depth displaces them entirely?

Mr. Rogers may have been the last earnest man.
posted by Pastabagel, on June 1,2007 at Metafilter