Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Are you frustrated as a parent? So was I.

A long time ago I found myself alone with five children as Thor went off in search of a dinosaur to whack over the head and throw into our cave. I was out numbered and the offspring got restless. I couldn't blame them or Thor, it was my fault. I was inconsistent and it frustrated everyone.

One particular day I found the very ugly side of myself and thought I was the worst mother in the world. I grew up in a spanking world. I was taught to spank. Spanking solved everything. If I got into trouble I was to go outside, pull down a slim branch, spend a few minutes bending it back and forth until it broke off the tree, and then hand it over to my mother who disciplined me with said twig. Although I never went that far, I did spank and I regret each and every one of those spankings.

I remember them and what is worse, my children remember them. Do we remember what caused them to be spanked? Nope, just the punishment that came from anger and left its emotional mark on my kids. My kids are grown now, and have forgiven their dolt of a mother. I have not.

We have been admonished by a prophet of God, now, recently, to give up the spanking. I wish I had heard that speech when my little ones were little. My spanking was encouraged, even praised, and I had well behaved children to prove the method. However one day I broke. I couldn't do it anymore. So I prayed. Hard.

What I came up with was marvelous. It worked! It was HARD. Especially on me, because I had to change. The training was more for me than the kids. But change I did, and they followed; and after one heck of a week things began to turn very well. I still had the best behaved kids I knew, just without the spanking, arguing and other messes that led to all of our frustrations. My kids were happy and content; and so was I.

So here you go. I have been asked by a few people to finally get this out there in hopes that the masses (read: the 5 people who read this blog) can find it as useful as I did. Please read through all the posts and feel free to adapt it to your particular circumstances and family.

add to sk*rt


The Pea said...

I am so ready for this!!! Thank you ahead of time I am seriously looking ofrward to it!

chronicler said...

I only spanked the oldest and only about three times. I figured out early on that it was not effective at all. We went to time out and success was found. Each of them now has chosen to follow the example of the parental unit and time out reigns throughout the kingdom!

Rynell said...

Thank you for these words. I, too, find that often the training is more for me than for my kids.

s'mee said...

Thanks everyone, it means a lot that you are finding any of this useful!

Lisa M. said...

Yup, I totally agree, So not worth it.

The charts are great.

We use charts.

Charts rock.

I would never have survived parenting with out charts.

We still use them-


s'mee said...

Lisa, in most cases I am anti-chart unless it is extremely personal or very non competitve in terms of siblings or peers. I'm a wuss that way. Too many variables between kids and personalities, competition -but for the wrong goal, blah blah blah. (humming Kum by Yah)But in this case it totally worked for me.

I am glad that you are liking this. That means a lot.