Thursday, January 24, 2008

"We can help, but YOU have to make the call..."

Ahh, kids. Back in the day I would gather up all of my 5, and a couple of other kids, and we'd pile into the minivan and head out for school every morning. I was the Kool-Ade Mom on the block, so I got a lot of kids hanging out at the house both before and after school. I loved that.

This was the day before law required seat belts. Yes there used to be a havoc in the streets and people just threw their offspring haphazardly into the back of whatever vehicle they owned and off they went. Let me tell you, a kid understood the laws of physics much faster back then.

We had the first Caravan off the line! It looked like a small white refrigerator on four wheels. Yeah, we were stylin'! We had bucket seats in front a 3 passenger bench seat in the middle, which did have a baby car seat, and the third row consisted of two folding lawn chairs. Heck, those third seats were EXPENSIVE! Ingenuity! Thor went down to Thrifty's and picked up to lawn chairs for a total of $12. When the kids complained about not having a seat belt, Thor took two of his old belts and wove them between the plastic webbing and TA-DA! seat belts! It was really fun to watch the boys tip over when you took a turn a little fast...they loved that. (You should have seen the face plants when you had to brake fast!)

The morning routine was:
1.Everyone in the neighborhood who needs a ride to school meet at the house.
2. Have neighborhood prayer. (It used to be just family prayer, but the kids began to protest so that circle on the living room floor got rather big.)
3. Everyone pile in the car. Leave the car seat for the youngest; and find a seat, or just stand, whatever... it's only 6 or 7 blocks.
4. Grab my hot chocolate travel mug.
6. Unload everybody and their duck.
7. Drive home.
8. Do this all again in reverse at 2.

One Wednesday, (I know it was Wednesday, because in our house each kid was assigned a day. This part of the story is about #3, and the third day is Wednesday...see how this all works out?) Anywho, #3 is in the front seat crying as we leave. Everything went well until we start to pull out of the drive and she just began crying....hard.

I inquire to her distress and she burst out with, "YOU NEED HELP MOM! I LOVE YOU, BUT YOU NEED HELP!" I am even more curious so I ask why I need help? "BECAUSE YOU DRINK AND DRIVE ---EVERYDAY! AND NO ONE IS SUPPOSED TO DRINK AND DRIVE!" I tried (not to laugh) to calm her down and she begins telling me that "there are hot-lines" and that I "am not alone", and that "there are people who can help " me, but that I "have to make the first step". "And while we're talking about it, THE BABY NEEDS HELP TOO! SHE ALSO HAS A DRINKING PROBLEM!" and the crying reaches an almost fever pitch. She is completely undone.

Now, in the back seat and the lawn chairs, other children are beginning to come undone also, only with laughter, which doesn't help the situation up front.

I finish the drive to school and drop off the minions but keep back screaming Mimi. I try to calm her down. She finally gets to a point where she is sounding more and more like Mary Richards, with a very high pitched staccato voice. "The. Ba. AY. BEeeee. Has. A. Drink. Ink. Ing. Prob. Lem!" (Oh Mr. Grant!) "Ev. REeee. Time. She. Drink. Inks. She. E. SPIIILLLLS!"

After a long talk I convince her we'll get the help we need; and resolve to never allow her to watch t.v. again.

I am sad to report, that after all these years, I still drink and drive.

add to sk*rt


Red said...

I am laughing so hard that tears are coming down my face!!! This is soooooo funny, I could just imagine it happening. It's also so sweet, how much she carried about you and the baby.

You may want to see if she still has a hot-line number you can use, if it's still a problem...hehehehe jk :~)

Hollywood said...

Wow. Called to task by the little ones. S'mee, you are one sick lady.

In other news, I had a really hard time reading this post because of the colors on your blog. Is it just me? I think it might help if you made the background not as dark but right now the contrast between the dark blue and white words makes my eyes a little nutsy.

Or is it just because I've been sewing for 2 weeks straight and have ruined my eyes?

Slice of Pink said...

Hilarious! I have a drinking problem, too---lattes!

S'mee said...

Red, you pegged it, she's a caretaker! (and shhhhh! I still drink cocoa AND soda! ACK!)

Hollywood, Just wait, I can see you two given you some advice soon! hehe! And thanks for the heads up on the blog colours, I'll put up a survey and see if it's everyone or if it's just your computer.

Slice, yeah, I have gotten my share of drive through drinks, especially if it's cold out! yowser! Thanks for letting me I don't drink alone!

Yolanda said...!

S'mee said...

O.k. YO! I'll pop over and see what you need from me! hehe!

ERIN said...

absolutely hilarious! from the lawn chairs to the drinking and driving (shame on you!) i laughed my way through the whole post! I love your stories.

S'mee said...

Thanks Erin! GM engineers have nothing on Thor.