Monday, July 21, 2008

Don't Try This At Home! Try It At A Friend's House!

Well, as long as today's theme is water I thought I'd set up this video for you. It was pointed out to me by my Sis, Chronicler. You see, she is the mother of three daughters. I have three sons and two daughters.

The thing with boys is this, they discover things, they have adventures, they act before they think things through. They freeze amphibians because they have watched one too many National Geographic Videos ("Beaver Pond" - I don't recommend it.)

If these were my boys I can tell you right now, things in this video would have been different. After each of the boys involved had a trial run, things would have been kicked up a notch. Say, surf style (standing up), or after dark with sparklers. I know, because when we had the advantage one summer of living where a pool was in the back yard and accessible, swimming was JUST. SO. BORING. yawn. No , we had to figure out ways to propel our bodies into the pool from various and sundry vantage points, like the roof. Or fence. Or off a moving bike. The diving board was just a means to an end, an additional tool in the arsenal of dangerous toys. Anything that could float was employed as a surfboard. Including your best friend. Contests and feats of strength were invented, and commentary was sometimes pre-scripted as to make sure nothing got left out. Boats were made, slides were invented, rules were constantly changed to promote manhood and the growth of chest hair. And the loss of cousins. kidding. I think.

We only lived in that house one summer however, so learning and testing had to take place in other arenas. Little sisters were also used as tools or physics experiments. Their smaller bodies lent them to be used as keys ("Shove your hand through the hole and turn the nob!"). Their cat like legs begged to be dropped from trees to see if they too (girls) landed on their feet. Or as human propellants ("As soon as you get this high...JUMP!) Poor little things were flung across the yard, into pools, off of trampolines and skate boards, and onto old mattresses or boxes ( in the movies!)

One summer our then 16 year old was at his best friend's house. No parents. No sisters. Just the two of them. They had spent hours and hours filming each other trying out the newest tricks on their skateboards and decided to go indoors. One thing led to another and they began to wrestle each other while on the boards, in the house, in the living room (probably while eating something). My kid lost. He went elbow first through the fancy glass coffee table severing all the muscle systems, the ligaments, the tendons, and chipping the bone in his dominant arm about two inches above the elbow. When I first saw it, his arm muscle looked like a red sea urchin. Lovely. His brother drove him to meet me at the local ER and I have been informed that along the way the injured one managed to flirt with a girl in the car next to them at the stop light. (Never miss an opportunity.)

Long story short, he also severed the nerves, so he wasn't in pain, but that night he had an 8 hour appointment with a neuro surgeon who had to reconnect all of the above. He had an amazing recovery (one for the books actually) and a few months later had a "ligament transfer" (read: The neuro plastic surgeon harvested the extra ligaments in both of his arms and rewired his hand so that he could use it again, like the bionic man, only without the cool noise and slow motion, and um, six million dollars paid by the government.) He had 33 "entry points" in his one hand and after 130+stitches we stopped counting. Again he had a miraculous and amazingly quick recovery and he was the youngest patient to ever have this procedure at the time.

So yeah. Boys. I could go on, but suffice it to say, keep your eyes and the first aid kit open, never leave them alone for a second, and if you do, make sure your medical insurance is paid up!

add to sk*rt


chronicler said...

I knew you wouldn't disappoint. Hehehe.

Alison Wonderland said...

I have 3 boys in a row. They're still pretty young but based on the fact that my five year old has never shown an ounce of fear in his life... just pray for me.

S'mee said...

Chronicler, that video brings back memories! Thanks.
Alison, you have my prayers...and just a suggestion: Duct tape. It's not just Dad's any more!

flip flop mama said...

Oh my! I used to think I wanted boys but now I don't think I could handle them. My brother was in the hospital I think 3 or 4 times in one summer! More times than I have been in my entire life.

S'mee said...

Flip Flop, I have both and they equally qualify as stress inducers! The girls (imo) were/are more difficult. I am being sexist when I say that hormones are involved and also just worrying about them no matter how old they get. Not too many men are accosted or victims of sexual crimes. I'm a mom, I worry about these things. There is no age limit on abusing women. ugh. So in the long run it evens out *I* think.

melissa c said...

I have 4 boys. The oldest is only 12 but I have already seen the signs of impending stupidity growing as puberty gets closer.

Amazing isn't it?

Anonymous said...

So basically what you're telling me is, I'm screwed, right? Because I have three boys. 9, 7 1/2, and 5. They would do something like this and like your kids, would then have to jack it up a notch. Or ten million.
I better start looking into an umbrella policy...

S'mee said...

Melissa, "impending stupidity" coupled with Einstein-like genius, *that's* when it becomes a problem!
; >

SallyGirl, Umbrella policies are great! The flip side to all of this is that they gain some mad skills in the process and while you're cursing the car (one more time) for not doing what it was designed to do, they pop out and rig it up like McGyver and you get home. It's a double edged sword.