2 jokes from the bishop....

As a segue from introducing the three new babies in the 1ward to the calling of some new offices during *Sacrament Meeting this morning, our 2Bishop offered the following:

"In our former ward there was a young couple and their new little boy who sat near the front of the chapel. One particular Sunday the baby boy began to cry and became increasingly fussy as time went on. Mommy did everything she could, she offered a bottle, patted his bum, gave him to daddy who did a couple of 'from the bench' tosses in the air, nothing worked. This baby was now not just crying, but screaming and mad.

Their Bishop had compassion for the couple and walked down to the third row and gently took the babe from his parents hands and walked out of the chapel. A short few minutes later the Bishop returned, babe sound a sleep and restful the entire meeting schedule.

After church was over the amazed parents went to the Bishop and asked what he did that calmed their little boy down so intensely that he remained asleep throughout church. The Bishop replied that "It really wasn't anything difficult, I just ordained him to the office of 3High Priest."

During the 4fifth Sunday Combined Adult Sunday School class:

"A 5home teacher died and went to heaven. At the gate Saint Peter told the home teacher that in order to stay in heaven "he would have to visit 200 homes each month." The home teacher was shocked and asked what happened if he refused to accept his heavenly assignment? Saint Peter replied: "Then down you go!" A button was pushed and down he went.

Satan met the home teacher at his gate and invited him in stating, now that the home teacher was in hell, he must visit "2 homes each month or face a fiery furnace!" "Wow!" the home teacher replied, "That's a heck of a lot easier than being in heaven!" Satan looked at him as if he were dull and said: "Look around...we have a lot of home teachers down here!"

1Ward = congregation.
*Sacrament Meeting/Service = The 'main' worship service on Sunday for the LDS church, where the Sacrament is offered to members of the congregation. The Sacrament is symbolic of the Atonement of the Saviour Jesus Christ. After the Sacrament has been passed throughout the congregation, the remainder of the meeting usually consists of a member of the youth over 12 giving an assigned subject talk for 2-3 minutes, and 2 adult speakers, also given assignment topics. Hymns and other music is often part of the service. After this service has concluded, Sunday School and other worship classes are available. The LDS people attend Sunday Meetings for a 3 hour block each Sunday.
2Bishop = a lay minister in the LDS church.
3Four times a year there will be a month with a 5th Sunday. On that Sunday, all adults who are not teaching a class of their own will join together for instruction by the ward Bishop.
4High Priest = Usually an older man, but can be any man over the age of 18. Because many High Priests are elderly, they have a worldwide reputation for "resting their eyes/meditating/or otherwise sleeping" during church services!
5Home Teachers = 2 men, assigned as companions, are given 2-5 families with whom they are to meet with at least once a month to lend Spiritual support, teach a Gospel Principle (less than 15 minute lesson), comfort, offer help and/or assistance when needed, be their church contact, and otherwise be their friend. Most men and young men over the age of 12 are in a companionship. Unfortunately, there is wide spread apathy for this particular church assignment...making the joke work because so many home teachers fall short of their goals!