adoption

A couple of weeks back I sat in on a combined Sunday School class. All the adults who weren't otherwise occupied were invited to listen to a presentation on the LDS Family Services. The presenter spoke reverently and respectfully about mental illness, marriages, families, adoption, addiction recovery in all its' forms, job placement, and many other quick points on the services they provide, who is eligible and how one goes about receiving assistance from them. After a ten minute or so presentation the remainder of the time was given to a young woman, "Sarah".

"Sarah" told us her very personal struggle with placing her newborn infant with an adoptive couple and how she came to make the decision. It was amazing to watch this young woman bear her deepest thoughts and heartbreak in front of so many strangers. She was poised and Spiritually mature beyond her years, and spoke with such conviction and purpose. Most everyone in the room had tears in their eyes as she spoke; and we could fully understand her decision process and determination for her new baby. Her words were filled with wisdom, and complete and unselfish love for this little baby, and hopes for this child's welfare above her own situation of ache and grief. It was a privilege to have witnessed her speak and feel the Spirit in the room that day.

She wanted to assure us that she made the decision fully on her own; and that no one had "guilted" or coerced her into it. She was given all the opportunities and options, a counselor, and availability to others who had been in her situation who had made various decisions.

I have to say that I have been in attendance (at these same kinds of presentations) a few other times, as recently as a few months ago, where other mothers have shared their stories, also beautiful and filled with love; however "Sarah" will being my heart and mind for a very long time, I hope, forever. She humbled me.

She shared an analogy that I had never heard before. She asked us to imagine a young mother and father who were outside, playing with their toddler. While the parents are inattentive, only for a moment, it is long enough for their toddler to wander out into the street where a swiftly approaching car is racing down the street. The parents have a choice to make:

A: They can stand frozen in fear and allow the child to be hit by the car, which would surely kill the toddler, but more than likely cause lifelong emotional harm to the parents who were not able to rescue their child.

B: They can, together, run to the child, wrap their arms around each other and take the hit. Chances are all three will be injured, and most likely have life long injuries, but they will all live.

C: Mother can run to the child, while dad goes for help. Mommy wraps her body around the toddler, and together they take the hit. Mommy and child will both receive injuries that will be life long and difficult, however they will live.

D: Mom can run to the toddler with such force she pushes the child out of the street and into the arms of another couple standing on the other side. Mommy will suffer injuries that will last a life time, baby may also have a few scrapes and bruises, however the baby will be safe.

Her analogies were this:
A: is like an abortion, the baby dies. "Sarah" explained to us that she could not even think of this option, although many in her situation have and do. For her, the emotional scars would have been too difficult to bear and she could not think of a life with that kind of hurt.

B: is like a marriage for marriage's sake and not one that was planned for or inevitable, a marriage of convenience that would most likely fail, harming all three parties. Another choice "Sarah" said was not even an option for her in her situation.

C: would be like rearing the child as a single mother, hoping for help that may or may not come, a father who is more absent than constant, and that would, again, harm all three parties for life. She said she felt that this was an option for her as she had great support from her family.

D: is like adoption. She would save her baby and harm herself knowingly.
She admitted that it was the single most difficult decision she has ever made; and that it has hurt her more than any other situation in her life... however the thought of her baby having both a mother and a father who could love her baby, support her baby, and give her baby 'saving ordinances' (scroll to "Sealing Authority" ) that she could not yet give her baby, those were the things that she felt her baby deserved. So she pushed the baby into loving arms and took the worst hit of her life.

She shared with us photos of her baby and her baby's adoptive family. She told us the happiest she has felt since finding out she was pregnant was the day she went to wait outside the temple as the adoptive family were sealed for all time and eternity. She said there would never be anything that would help her heart heal more than knowing her baby had a forever family. She was sure she had made the correct decision.

I have to tell you, it was hard to watch her tell her story, and I pray that if I were ever in her situation that I would have the faith to do what was best for the child. She truly amazed and humble everyone in that room.

For those of you reading who are LDS, this post probably makes a lot of sense. For my readers who are unfamiliar with LDS beliefs and would like to know more by reading information from the source --these links can help. No one will call on you unless you specifically request it. And of course you may always ask me, I would enjoy helping you understand what I am writing about!

Mormon.org

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