Wednesday, December 30, 2009

The New Year's Post...sort of

I have an issue: New Year's.

Most people LOVE love LOVE this time of year and wax on about how they will make resolutions and goals and so on and so forth.

Then in approximately three to four months they will bemoan, either secretly or in public about how sadly they are not accomplishing their goals to satisfaction; and somewhere around Independence Day they free themselves altogether from the bounds of these goals, dig into the potato salad and watch the fireworks.

Someone near to me proclaimed to a public audience that I NEVER make goals, and that if I do, I get extremely depressed when I fail at them. Part of that statement is true.

The deal is that I do make goals, I make them quite frequently and in fact I do, very much, become disappointed and sometimes depressed about failing. I don't like to fail. I don't enjoy feeling stupid or having heavy objects land on me or the feeling of my hand being slammed in the car door. These things should be fairly obvious to most bystanders. Failing? Not fun.

Goals are what have got me through difficult times. I am an active member of my church because of a goal I made when I was nine years old. I am married to a wonderful man, sealed to him for eternity, because I made a goal to do so and then another to stay married to the lug when things were difficult. (I presume he made similar goals for those times when I am a nag or worse.) Goals are what keep me from flinging dishes at a certain someone when I can't bear them much longer. Goals are what keep my windows washed and the oil in my car regular and clean. I could go on, but (I hope) by this point in the essay, you understand that, for me, goals are almost a daily event.

The point is that the statement, made by someone who should know me fairly well, kind of stung. It implied that I am a lazy sort or chicken even because if something fails I would not care to indulge it. Not so.

It is my fault in the long run, for, as I do make goals, I am not one to publicize them or post them about for all to critique... which I find very difficult, I don't want someone who does not live in my heart or head to judge whether or not I need to improve this or that, or if deciding to do a daily jig in the laundry room is insanity or just a frivolous waste of time. So I keep 99.9% of my goals to my self and monitor my progress regularly.

And yes, I fail quite often.

Last year I made a mistake by publicizing a few goals...all which came to a horrific failure, which yes, depressed me beyond what even I had expected. For me, I guess, the private failure(s) are easier to endure than to be a public spectacle of lack. I don't care for lack or humiliation; and why should I purposely expose myself for these? So, this year I go back to my closet and I shall produce a few good items on the personal "to do" list for improvement, happiness, or fulfillment, etc.

Good luck to me, and to you as well, on keeping our goals, and yes, Merry and Happy New Year. May it be filled, for all of us, with less stress, a tad more financial sustenance, a more giving heart and sharing hands, uplifting moments, edifying conversations, and friends who make us feel better about being our genuine selves. May we feel more love and more gratitude. May we be content, forgive more, and hold hands a bit tighter. Go ahead and smile at strangers and give a dollar to those who ask for one. Pray sweeter. Sing out loud and also in our head when we need to.

Hugs, s'mee

add to sk*rt


The Pea said...

Love it!! I for one am always setting and failing. But, I think I keep on setting goals because the one out of ten times I make it through it feels so great!! Keep up the good work. I am so glad you are back!!!

Nonna-L said...

Glad I'm not the only one that thinks like that. You always manage to make me feel better. Enjoy the New Year with Family and Friends. Big Hugs from Texas, Noemi.

S'mee said...

Thanks Pea! I keep pluggin'...I keep it to myself, but I keep pluggin'!

Nonna, Thanks, hugs right on back!