O.k. first off, everything between Thor and myself is great.
Second, if I were queen of the world I would make this one of my first decrees:
If you and your spouse decide you can't get along any longer, that you absolutely must get a divorce, then you have to play by these rules.
If you have minor children THEY get custody of the house. It's the grown ups who can't play nice, the kids have nothing to do with it, so why should their lives be the first to get messed up?
The deed goes to all the children. It will be held in trust until the youngest child is 21. At that time the house can be sold and the profits divided among the children. Parents: figure it out and pay it off. Let's just call it a parting gift for the kiddies. A kind of consolation prize for their emotional foundation being ripped from under them. Don't have a house? Then continue to pay rent on the one they are currently in until they are legal adults... get this: The kids ain't leaving, you are!
In the mean time, Mom and dad can pack up their clothes and favorite toys every weekend and move in and out of wherever they decide to live. Hey, there's still a master bedroom, Mom can have it this week, dad can have it next. Deal people, you're the adults! Find yourself an apartment close to town or drive all day to get here, the kids are staying put.
The kids are staying in the same school with their same friends. They are staying in the same church and going to the same neighbor's house for after school game time. You screwed up -they didn't. They get to keep the same teachers, doctors, grocery store guy... you two adults can figure out where to get new ones for yourselves.
Since when was it fun for a kid to pack up their little life in their backpack and schlep back and forth during their free time just to hear their parents rant about how bad the other parent is? The kids get to stay in their own beds and the adults can schlep.
The kids get to keep all the holidays at home. Yup birthdays and Christmas, Halloween and the fourth of July will be where they always were...at home with the kids. Mom and Dad, if you don't like it, don't come. If you decide to join the kids that holiday, then bring your happy face and pack your own backpack.
The whole idea here is that the kids' lives will not be any different than they are currently, other than the fact that mom and dad are only in the house one at a time.
Oh and another thing. When a crime is committed a criminal has to pay for his crime by "doing time". If you are of the religious sort, when someone commits a sin, they confess and some form of restitution is made. O.k. Here's the deal: You adults made a promise to stay together "until death" and some folks even throughout "eternity". You promised to make a home for little people that would be loving, nurturing and safe. You brought little people into the marriage. If you get a divorce, you are breaking your promise. Marriage is a legal contract, you are breaking that contract. True, it's not like you stole a car or robbed a liquor store, you're just stealing your child's stability and robbing them of trust and emotional good health.
Soooo, to pay your children back for said crimes against them you will not date "seriously" until the youngest is 18. The only thing you'll be "doing" is time. No need to bring in other people and mess up their lives too. Your children don't need two sets of screwed up "parents" and they don't need step siblings to compete with or miss when they go home. Your children do not need to know you have a sex life. Do you, even today, want to know that your mom or dad is doing the horizontal mambo with anyone? Neither do they.
Once all the kids are 18 or older then you can go out and mess up your life again with someone new. As an alternative to dating, how about seeing a good therapist? Find out why and where you messed up in the first place.
Some folks think this would never work. I disagree. Divorce is so easy now that it is almost a no brainer. Some people actually believe they will get married and divorced at least once before they find the 'right' person. If they knew the above rules were actually law, maybe that would cause more folks to pause before making a commitment (and children) in the first place. Perhaps, if when divorce is looming on the horizon, with such a law in place, it would cause partners to reconsider why they 'fell in love' in the first place and work to get it back to that place again.
I am a firm believer that no matter what has happened in the marriage, if both partners want to reconcile it can be done. If one does not want to stay married the other can't do too much about it. Either way, the kids were not at fault and should not be punished.
Back to that part of whether or not this can succeed. Yes it can. Thor has a business partner who, some 15 years ago, divorced and decided with his ex-wife this plan would work. They have been schlepping for 15 years. The kids are happy. The parents are finally happy. It's a decision that can work if you think of your children instead of how much you want revenge.
That is all.
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5 comments:
I have heard you say this before, and have passed it on to anyone who would listen, I truly think it is a great plan.
So who put the bee in your bonnet? I think your solution is a great one.
ugh. The bee is too many of my friends are being stupid. Too many people I don't know are being stupid. Too many people destroying the lives of the people they say they love the most.
And most of all having to witness two people who I thought I knew well enough to love them both tear apart a family for really idiotic reasons. Grown ups who can't get over themselves enough to remember who they are fighting in front of and what it does to little kids.
I am really really tired of hearing the stories of he said she said; and so-in-so taking whosseedoozy back to court over some piddlily stupid financial counterpoint for years until the last kid is 18 and all the kids have severe mental-emotional disabilities from all the trauma inflicted by ma and pa.
To me, it's child abuse.
Three cheers for Smee.
I love you.
s'mee I mentioned this post to the big guy. He says it should be printed off and sent to every family court judge in the U.S.
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