After exhaustive research on the subject I found a government website that compiled all forms of birth control used within the U.S. and how they work. I have deleted information about STDs, AIDs, increase opportunity for various cancers, side effects, etc. as I am focusing primarily on the effects of the methodology of birth control; however I have added nothing to the text except what is written in blue font. I have inserted italics and bold type to emphasis my point.
From women's health .gov :"Bear in mind that NO method of birth control prevents pregnancy all of the time. Birth control methods can fail, but you can greatly increase a method’s success rate by using it correctly all of the time. The only way to be sure you never get pregnant is to not have sex (abstinence).
Continuous Abstinence – This means not having sexual intercourse (of any kind) at any time. It is the only sure way to prevent pregnancy. This method is 100% effective at preventing pregnancy. (0 chances for a fertile egg)
Periodic Abstinence or Fertility Awareness Methods – A woman who has a regular menstrual cycle has about seven or more fertile days or days when she is able to get pregnant, each month. Periodic abstinence means you do not have sex on the days that you may be fertile. These fertile days are approximately 5 days before ovulation, the day of ovulation, and one or more days after ovulation. Fertility awareness means that you can be abstinent or have sex but you use a “barrier” method of birth control to keep sperm from getting to the egg. Barrier methods include condoms, diaphragms, or cervical caps, used together with spermicides, which kill sperm. These methods are 75 to 99% effective at preventing pregnancy. (.1 to 25% chance of having a fertile egg)
Keep in mind that to practice these methods, you need to learn about your menstrual cycle (or how often you get your period). To learn about your cycle, keep a written record of when you get your period, what it is like (heavy or light blood flow), and how you feel (sore breasts, cramps). You also check your cervical mucus and take your basal body temperature daily, and record these in a chart. This is how you learn to predict, or tell, which days you are fertile or “unsafe.” You can ask your doctor or nurse for more information on how to record and understand this information.
The Male Condom – Condoms are called barrier methods of birth control because they put up a block, or barrier, which keeps the sperm from reaching the egg. Male condoms are 84 to 98% effective at preventing pregnancy. (2-16% chance for a fertile egg)
Oral Contraceptives – Also called “the pill,” contains the hormones estrogen and progestin and is available in different hormone dosages. A pill is taken daily to block the release of eggs from the ovaries. The pill is 95 to 99.9% effective at preventing pregnancy. Some antibiotics may reduce the effectiveness of the pill in some women. Talk to your doctor or nurse about a back-up method of birth control if she or he prescribes antibiotics. (.1 -5% chance for a fertile egg)
Most oral contraceptives are swallowed in a pill form. One brand, called Ovcon 35, can either be swallowed or chewed. If it is chewed, you must drink a full glass of liquid immediately after to make sure you get the full dose of medication. There are also extended cycle pills, brand name Seasonale, which have 12 weeks of pills that contain hormones (active) and 1 week of pills that don’t contain hormones (inactive). While taking Seasonale, women only have their period 4 times a year when they are taking the inactive pills. There are many different types of oral contraceptives available, and it is important to talk to your doctor or nurse about which one is best for you. You will need a prescription for oral contraceptives.
The Mini-Pill – Unlike the pill, the mini-pill only has one hormone, progestin, instead of both estrogen and progestin. Taken daily, the mini-pill thickens cervical mucus to prevent sperm from reaching the egg. It also prevents a fertilized egg from implanting in the uterus (womb). Mini-pills are 92 to 99.9% effective at preventing pregnancy if used correctly. The mini-pill needs to be taken at the same time each day. A back-up method of birth control is needed if you take the pill more than three hours late. Some antibiotics may reduce the effectiveness of the pill in some women. Talk to your doctor or nurse about a back-up method of birth control if she or he prescribes antibiotics. You will need to visit you doctor for a prescription and to make sure you are not having problems. (.1-8% chance for a fertile egg)
Copper T IUD (Intrauterine Device) – An IUD is a small device that is shaped in the form of a “T.” Your health care provider places it inside the uterus. The arms of the Copper T IUD contain some copper, which stops fertilization by preventing sperm from making their way up through the uterus into the fallopian tubes. If fertilization does occur, the IUD would prevent the fertilized egg from implanting in the lining of the uterus. The Copper T IUD can stay in your uterus for up to 12 years. This IUD is 99% effective at preventing pregnancy. You will need to visit your doctor to have it inserted and to make sure you are not having any problems. Not all doctors insert IUDs so check first before making your appointment. (1% chance for a fertile egg, and as a side note and purely antidotal side bar, I know personally of two children born who survived the IUD; i.e. 1% is greater than it seems.)
Progestasert IUD (Intrauterine Device) –This IUD is a small plastic T- shaped device that is placed inside the uterus by a doctor. It contains the hormone progesterone, the same hormone produced by a woman’s ovaries during the monthly menstrual cycle. The progesterone causes the cervical mucus to thicken so sperm cannot reach the egg, and it changes the lining of the uterus so that a fertilized egg cannot successfully implant. The Progestasert IUD can stay in your uterus for one year. This IUD is 98% effective at preventing pregnancy. You will need to visit your doctor to have it inserted and to make sure you are not having any problems. Not all doctors insert IUDs so check first before making your appointment. (2% chance for a fertile egg)
Intrauterine System or IUS (Mirena) – The IUS is a small T-shaped device like the IUD and is placed inside the uterus by a doctor. Each day, it releases a small amount of a hormone similar to progesterone called levonorgestrel that causes the cervical mucus to thicken so sperm cannot reach the egg. The IUS stays in your uterus for up to five years The IUS is 99% effective. The Food and Drug Administration approved this method in December 2000. You will need to visit your doctor to have it inserted and to make sure you are not having any problems. Not all doctors insert the IUS so check first before making your appointment. (1%chance of a fertile egg)
The Female Condom – Worn by the woman, this barrier method keeps sperm from getting into her body. Female condoms are 79 to 95% effective at preventing pregnancy. There is only one kind of female condom, called Reality, and it can be purchased at a drug store. (5-21% chance for a fertile egg)
Depo-Provera – With this method women get injections, or shots, of the hormone progestin in the buttocks or arm every 3 months. It is 97% effective at preventing pregnancy. You will need to visit your doctor for the shots and to make sure you are not having any problems. (3% chance for a fertile egg)
Diaphragm, Cervical Cap or Shield – These are barrier methods of birth control, where the sperm are blocked from entering the cervix and reaching the egg. The diaphragm is shaped like a shallow latex cup. The cervical cap is a thimble-shaped latex cup. The cervical shield is a silicone cup that has a one-way valve that creates suction and helps it fit against the cervix. The diaphragm and cervical cap come in different sizes and you need a doctor to “fit” you for one. The cervical shield comes in one size and you will not need a fitting. Before sexual intercourse, you use them with spermicide (to block or kill sperm) and place them up inside your vagina to cover your cervix (the opening to your womb). You can buy spermicide gel or foam at a drug store. Some women can be sensitive to an ingredient called nonoxynol-9 and need to use spermicides that do not contain it. The diaphragm is 84 to 94% effective at preventing pregnancy. The cervical cap is 84 to 91% effective at preventing pregnancy for women who have not had a child and 68 to 74% for women who have had a child. The cervical shield is 85% effective at preventing pregnancy. Barrier methods must be left in place for 6 to 8 hours after intercourse to prevent pregnancy and removed by 24 hours for the diaphragm and 48 for cap and shield. You will need to visit your doctor for a proper fitting for the diaphragm or cervical cap and a prescription for the cervical shield. (6-16%, 9-16%, 26-32%, 15% chance for a fertile egg, respective numbers)
Contraceptive Sponge - This is a barrier method of birth control that was re-approved by the Food and Drug Administration in 2005. It is a soft, disk shaped device, with a loop for removal. It is made out of polyurethane foam and contains the spermicide nonoxynol-9. Before intercourse, you wet the sponge and place it, loop side down, up inside your vagina to cover the cervix. The sponge is 84 to 91% effective at preventing pregnancy in women who have not had a child and 68 to 80% for women who have had a child. The sponge is effective for more than one act of intercourse for up 24 hours. It needs to be left in for at least six hours after intercourse to prevent pregnancy and must be removed within 30 hours after it is inserted. Women who are sensitive to the spermicide nonoxynol-9 should not use this birth control method. (9-16%, 20-32% chance for a fertile egg, respective numbers)
The Patch (Ortho Evra) –This is a skin patch worn on the lower abdomen, buttocks, or upper body. It releases the hormones progestin and estrogen into the bloodstream. You put on a new patch once a week for three weeks, and then do not wear a patch during the fourth week in order to have a menstrual period. The patch is 98 to 99% effective at preventing pregnancy, but appears to be less effective in women who weigh more than 198 pounds. You will need to visit your doctor for a prescription and to make sure you are not having problems. (1-2% chance for a fertile egg)
The Hormonal Vaginal Contraceptive Ring (NuvaRing) – The NuvaRing is a ring that releases the hormones progestin and estrogen. You squeeze the ring between your thumb and index finger and insert it into your vagina. You wear the ring for three weeks, take it out for the week that you have your period, and then put in a new ring. The ring is 98 to 99% effective at preventing pregnancy. You will need to visit your doctor for a prescription and to make sure you are not having problems. This birth control method is not recommended while breastfeeding because the hormone estrogen may decrease breast milk production. (1-2% chance for a fertile egg)
Surgical Sterilization (Tubal Ligation or Vasectomy) – These surgical methods are meant for people who want a permanent method of birth control. In other words, they never want to have a child or they do not want more children. Tubal ligation or “tying tubes” is done on the woman to stop eggs from going down to her uterus where they can be fertilized. The man has a vasectomy to keep sperm from going to his penis, so his ejaculate never has any sperm in it. They are 99.9% effective at preventing pregnancy. ( .1% chance for a fertile egg)
Nonsurgical Sterilization (Essure Permanent Birth Control System) – This is the first non-surgical method of sterilizing women. A thin tube is used to thread a tiny spring-like device through the vagina and uterus into each fallopian tube. Flexible coils temporarily anchor it inside the fallopian tube. A Dacron-like mesh material embedded in the coils irritates the fallopian tubes’ lining to cause scar tissue to grow and eventually permanently plug the tubes. It can take about three months for the scar tissue to grow, so it is important to use another form of birth control during this time. Then you will have to return to your doctor for a test to see if scar tissue has fully blocked your tubes. - After 3 years of follow-up studies, Essure has been shown to be 99.8 % effective in preventing pregnancy. ( .2% chance for a fertile egg)
Emergency Contraception – This is NOT a regular method of birth control and should never be used as one. Emergency contraception, or emergency birth control, is used to keep a woman from getting pregnant when she has had unprotected vaginal intercourse. “Unprotected” can mean that no method of birth control was used. It can also mean that a birth control method was used but did not work – like a condom breaking. Or, a woman may have forgotten to take her birth control pills, or may have been abused or forced to have sex when she did not want to. Emergency contraception consists of taking two doses of hormonal pills taken 12 hours apart and started within three days after having unprotected sex. These are sometimes wrongly called the “morning after pill.” The pills are 75 to 89% effective at preventing pregnancy. Another type of emergency contraception is having the Copper T IUD put into your uterus within seven days of unprotected sex. This method is 99.9% effective at preventing pregnancy. You will need to visit your doctor for either a prescription for the pills or for the insertion of the IUD, and to make sure you are not having problems." (11-25%, .1% chance for a fertile egg, respective numbers)
With information, one can conclude that no method is guaranteed to prevent pregnancy, (form a fertile egg), except abstinance. All the other forms have some risk of pregnancy, however minute.
The things we need to ask ourselves are, when a fertile egg does occur while on these methods, what happens next? What happens to that egg? Does it make it to birth or is it aborted?
Also, these percentages are the numbers deducted from the fertile eggs that were eventually considered a viable pregnancy. There are some fertile eggs that, although alive, formed, growing, and headed towards a uterus to implant, never make it, and are therefore never counted as a fertile egg. These are "lost". How does a fertile egg -conceived in spite of contriceptives -become lost before it can be counted even as viable? Do women know they can be aborting these fertile eggs and not even know it?
In order to answer these questions we need to know how these birth controls work...in even further detail. Something the drug companies used to inform us about, now we need to dig to find out. Next post we'll try to find some answers.
Friday, May 05, 2006
Hey baby, let's go to Vegas! The odds of becoming *pregnant* while on *Birth* Control
When two worlds collide...life begins.
Getting into differing viewpoints on birth control can become very edgy at best. I will preface my viewpoint with those of (LDS) church leaders and also opinions from the scientific, medical, and governmental fields. I will begin the post with the question, “What is life?” followed by “When does life begin?”
“Life” – the general condition that distinguishes organisms from inorganic and dead organisms, is manifested by growth through metabolism, a means of reproduction, and internal regulation in response to the environment. (Webster's College Dictionary)
Life for a human is defined as, any individual of the genus Homo, especially a member of the species, Homo Sapiens; a person distinguished from other animals; such beings are unique from all other beings in that they have 46 human chromosomes in every cell. A Down’s syndrome (sometimes referred to as “Triple X" ) human has an extra chromosome. They are human, but humans with an abnormal number of chromosomes. Abnormalities occur within the human family, extra digits, blindness, etc.
When does life begin? “It is not a question of when “meaningful life” begins or when the spirit “quickens” the body. In the biological sciences, it is known that life begins when two germ cells unite to become one cell, bringing together twenty-three chromosomes from both the father and from the mother.” (Russell M. Nelson, “Reverence for Life,” Ensign, May 1985, 11)
“There is no longer serious doubt in my mind that human life exists within the womb from the very onset of pregnancy.” (Dr. Bernard N. Nathanson New England Journal of Medicine, vol. 291, no. 22, p. 1189.)
The more scientific knowledge of fetal development that has been learned, the more science has confirmed that the beginning of any one human individual’s life, biologically speaking, begins at the completion of the union of his father’s sperm and his mother’s ovum, a process called "conception," "fertilization" or "fecundation." This is so because this being, from fertilization, is alive, human, sexed, complete and growing.
In 1982, lengthy hearings in the U.S. Senate and the two-volume report of the Human Life Bill defined "conception" and used it exclusively to mean the time of union of sperm and ovum. "Human Life Bill," (U.S. Senate Common Judiciary, Subcommittee of Separation of Powers, 97th Congress, S-158, April-June 1982, Serial No. J-97-16)
Sperm enter the woman’s vagina, swim through the cavity of her uterus and out through her Fallopian tubes. This can take as brief a time as five minutes to pass through the uterus and reach the tubes, and as brief as another 15 minutes to pass through the tubes and reach the ovaries. The egg, breaking out of the shell of her ovary, is penetrated by the head of one spermatozoa. Immediately the ovum creates a chemical or electrical charge or fence preventing other sperm from entering.
The pronucleus of the sperm, containing its 23 chromosomes, in about 12 hours migrates to meet the ovum’s pronucleus with its 23 chromosomes. Their fusion takes about 2 hours.
Then in another 18 hours this 46 chromosome nucleus divides into two cells.Then into 3 cells at which time some new opinion believes the "decision" is made to stay single or pro-gram to divide into twins. Then to 4 cells, to 8, to 16 and on and on. (Jones and Schraeder, "The Process of Human Fertilization," Fertility and Sterility, vol. 48, no. 2, Aug. 1987, p. 191 Word Wars, E. Diamond, Physician, Nov. 1992, Pp. 14-15 Personal Communication, J. Lejeune 1994)
Most use the moment of sperm penetration as the "moment of conception." Others wait until their pronuclei fuse at 12-14 hours to say conception is a completed process. In either case this new human life is complete at the first cell stage.
After much research I have concluded that life begins at "conception", which means when the sperm and egg join each other and begin to divide and grow.
Wednesday, May 03, 2006
Discourse on Marriage
I have been reading much recently on the factual decline of traditional families in the Nordic Countries due to the view their citizens and governments have on marriage and family. According to the research it took only 15 years to descend and adopt a culture where marriage is the exception, not the rule. It has me in a sad place.
I also have had a few discussions on line and within correspondence through my private e-mail concerning my views on birth control and pregnancy control. Over the next few posts I will try to write as distinctly and factually as I can to explain my viewpoints. I know I will offend some, for that I do not apologize, but rather hope to inform.
When I was much younger I heard all of the same talks by parents, teachers and church authorities, "Stay morally clean!" There was even a time in my life when I misunderstood an admonition that implied it was better for me to die than be unchaste. I thought it meant that if I were raped, somehow I was less than pure in the eyes of God and I should have allowed my "death before dishonour." As an adult I know now those well meaning folk were trying to tell me: "Death before you dishonour yourself." No one within the church blames the victim in a sexual crime, they never have, they never will. That being said, many still wonder what's the big deal? If I really love someone, why can't I have a sexual relationship? What if I never marry? Am I supposed to go to my grave a virgin? Well, yes. As unreasonable, unfair -and frankly- almost impossible to achieve as that sounds, yes.
Why the law of chastity; and why is it second only to murder and denying the Holy Ghost? Bruce C. Hafen explains it well.
"Sometimes we give as reasons for the law of chastity the risk of pregnancy or abortion, the possibility of an unwanted or embarrassing marriage, or the chance of a terrible venereal disease. With adultery, we talk about the damage of destroying an existing marriage or family. As serious as these things are, I’m not sure they are the fundamental reason for the Lord’s having placed this commandment ahead of armed robbery and fraud in the seriousness of sins.
Think of it—unchastity is second only to murder. Perhaps there is a common element in those two things—unchastity and murder. Both have to do with life, which touches upon the highest of divine powers. Murder involves the wrongful taking of life; sexual transgression may involve the wrongful giving of life, or the wrongful tampering with the sacred fountains of life-giving power. "(italics added)Bruce C. Hafen, The Gospel and Romantic Love," New Era, Feb. 2002, 10
As unfair and unrealistic as it seems, when we have sexual relationships outside of a legal marriage, no matter our age or ability to procreate, we play God. I decide to give life without God's permission (marriage requirement); I put myself above God and His power. It's the same as if I were a murderer, I decide to take life without God's permission (natural death).
On why marriage is between one man and one woman, those of us who are LDS need not go further than the The Family Proclamation. Not familiar with this proclamation? The following statement also sums it up nicely for me:
"Since becoming a parent is such a transcending blessing, and since each child is so precious and brings so much happiness, a cardinal purpose of marriage and of life itself is to bring forth new life within this partnership with God. Obligations inherent in the creation of precious human life are a sacred trust, which if faithfully kept, will keep us from degenerating into moral bankrupts and from becoming mere addicts of lust.
The responsibilities involved in the divine life-giving process, and the functions of our body, are so sacrosanct that they are to be exercised only within the marriage relationship. Those who do not accept and meet those responsibilities, for any reason, as well as those who do, should never depart from the law of chastity if they wish to be truly happy. All members of this Church seeking eternal joy and peace are expected to and will wish to come to the marriage altar free from sexual transgressions—chaste and pure. Any who fail to do so may find that they have cheated themselves of their own self-respect, dignity, and much of the great joy they seek in marriage. Because of the special inner peace, strength, and happiness it brings, chastity, as the law of God, is and always has been really “in,” and unchastity is and always has been really “out.” " (italics added) James E. Faust, “The Sanctity of Life,” Ensign, May 1975, 27
Above I linked to a (rather lengthly) article about the Scandinavian Countries and the decline of the family and marriage. Within that article are the following paragraphs:
"As Danish sociologists Wehner, Kambskard, and Abrahamson describe it, in the wake of the changes of the nineties, "Marriage is no longer a precondition for settling a family--neither legally nor normatively. . . . What defines and makes the foundation of the Danish family can be said to have moved from marriage to parenthood."
So the highly touted half-page of analysis from an unpublished paper that supposedly helps validate the "conservative case" for gay marriage--i.e., that it will encourage stable marriage for heterosexuals and homosexuals alike--does no such thing. Marriage in Scandinavia is in deep decline, with children shouldering the burden of rising rates of family dissolution. And the mainspring of the decline--an increasingly sharp separation between marriage and parenthood--can be linked to gay marriage. " (italics and bold added)
When sex is accepted outside of marriage; marriage itself is devalued. Marriage becomes a technicality for an outdated society, a tradition rather than a commandment (or necessary ordinance) and pretty soon heterosexual relationships throw marriage out, produce children without bound parents, and homosexual partnerships pick up the marriage slack, eventually adopting children into a household where both gender representations and role models are unavailable.
The article continues:
"In Sweden, as elsewhere, the sixties brought contraception, abortion, and growing individualism. Sex was separated from procreation, reducing the need for "shotgun weddings." These changes, along with the movement of women into the workforce, enabled and encouraged people to marry at later ages. With married couples putting off parenthood, early divorce had fewer consequences for children. That weakened the taboo against divorce. Since young couples were putting off children, the next step was to dispense with marriage and cohabit until children were desired. Americans have lived through this transformation. The Swedes have simply drawn the final conclusion: If we've come so far without marriage, why marry at all? Our love is what matters, not a piece of paper. Why should children change that?" (How many times do we hear that a piece of paper is not necessary if two people love each other?)
"Gay marriage is both an effect and a reinforcing cause of the separation of marriage and parenthood. In states like Sweden and Denmark, where out-of-wedlock birthrates were already very high, and the public favored gay marriage, gay unions were an effect of earlier changes. Once in place, gay marriage symbolically ratified the separation of marriage and parenthood. And once established, gay marriage became one of several factors contributing to further increases in cohabitation and out-of-wedlock birthrates, as well as to early divorce. But in Norway, where out-of-wedlock birthrates were lower, religion stronger, and the public opposed same-sex unions, gay marriage had an even greater role in precipitating marital decline." (italics and bold added)
I will end this first post with a repeat of the quote from James E. Faust:
"Since becoming a parent is such a transcending blessing, and since each child is so precious and brings so much happiness, a cardinal purpose of marriage and of life itself is to bring forth new life within this partnership with God. Obligations inherent in the creation of precious human life are a sacred trust, which if faithfully kept, will keep us from degenerating into moral bankrupts and from becoming mere addicts of lust."
Friday, April 28, 2006
It's good to be King!
You've had a birthday, shout hooray! We want to see to you today! One year older and wiser too! Happy Birthday to you!
Happy Birthday Little Man! He's three! The actual date was a few days ago, but the party postponed until today so his Missionary Uncle could be home to celebrate with him.
Gramma made him a birthday crown cupcake. This is the first and very quick (five minute) attempt. Hopefully another day will come and I will give more time to this idea and come up with a prettier version with more details and such.
Thursday, April 20, 2006
Faery Tales
Tonight is Enrichment Night. The night when all the gals from church get together and learn something new. This evening we have a guest speaker who's topic is "How do I make my faery take come true? (in spite of...)" In spite of illness, failed marriage, no education, whatever! So many sisters in our area have had situations that seem pretty bleak, this night should help and give them some tools to help them succeed, in spite of all the trials.
A while back I purchased this very cool sand castle bundt cake pan at Williams Sonoma (and have seen it elsewhere); so we thought it would be the perfect dessert. I just used a regular cake mix; although I altered it a tad. For the one in the back I used some sour cream, the chocolate got some pudding and the spice mix got a little extra punch with some apple sauce. I covered the entire cake with a simple syrup and sprinkled raw sugar all over the surface. I did this for a couple of reasons. Number one, I won't be there tonight and the cakes had to be done early. The syrup will seal the cake, keeping it moist and fresh. The sugar on the outside give the cake a crunchy crisp exterior that is tasty and glittery like sand. The vanilla cake really looked like sand, very cute. I added some French ribbon flags on the two front turrets and a tiny paper flag over the front gate that describes the flavours. For the diabetics in our group I made fat free sugar free parfaits.
I also made the cover for the program and also made matching notebooks that are spiral bound so the sisters can take notes during the lecture and then again during the audience participation part of the program. I have heard the speaker is awesome, but again, I will not hear him, so I hope they take good notes!
Monday, April 17, 2006
I gotta be s'mee!
Susan has a"weird" meme for us today. It goes like this, list 6 things about yourself that make you WEIRD! (my sis, Chronicler has also taken on Susan's meme... if you read 1-a., 2, 3, and 4 you get a peek at some of the weird things we share as sisters.)
I, like my sis, kind of enjoy the weird-ness out there. Compared to the rest of the (U.S.) world, I am conservative and "normal", but in my little sphere of associates, I tend to dance on the edges of weirdness...so here goes.
1. I am anti birth control. (don't get me started, I get nutso. Don't get me started on birth control and pregnancy control and how most LDS adults do not know the difference. Pregnancy control I have no issues with at all.)
2. I am a true 50/50 split personality. Any of the personality or actual psychological, ego-id, clinical tests show me as one of the 2% of the world's population that can be exactly 50-50, both happy and sad, both logical and creative, both literal and vague at the exact same time, in equal intensity. This group of people are the highest group of successful suicides and also the highest group of "successful lifestyle" people, because we are in a constant state of personal conflict. We are the ones who will plan and create our in-laws' 50th wedding anniversary party to the inth degree and at the last minute call it all off because we are afraid it will be a failure. Every right decision we make we doubt it's correctness. We challenge every thought we have, and secretly find fault with ourselves and praise our excellence. Go figure, we're weird.
3. I am a closet (and at times, a not so closeted) hippy chick.
4. I really really really enjoy public speaking; But my voice trembles when I speak of sacred things or things of a very serious nature. It sounds like I am nervous, but I am not, it just trembles and my body shakes.
5. I like sitting in the front row. Unless I am at the ballet or the theatre, then it's center-center, or at a classical concert and then it's center balcony.
6. I don't need a lot of money, although I enjoy very nice things and can appreciate when someone has them. I am not impressed with wealth or the things it can purchase, but am more impressed with what can be done with little or no money, I absolutely delight in supreme bargains. I don't care much for diamonds. Why pay for the sparkle when I can get the same bling from a good CZ? (that said, Thor just gave me a ring for my birthday that has a large beautiful pearl surrounded by 10 diamond baguettes and 6 rounds, and I LOVE it. I admit to feeling guilty about it though. BUT I LOVE IT!!!)
If there were a 7th item it would be that I love change. LOVE it. And diversity. (I guess that's #8...oops I don't know when to stop.) SO Class, here's your assignment: Tell me why you're weird! Or just tell us to go to your blog and we'll read it there.
Big shout out to Susan! Thanks! This was fun!
Thanks to Rick for the photo.
refinishing
Thor and I went to see his parents on an impromptu visit Saturday. As usual, Thor went off with the guys and I sat and chatted with his mom. She is getting to that place in life where you hear the same story repeated three or four times during your visit, but she is so sweet you don't mind. Then every once in a while she'll hit you with a new story.
"Dad and I were in the shower the other day (TMI!!!) and he just stopped and looked at me. I felt a little self conscience, but then I looked at him! HAH! We're pretty wrinkly now! Hahaha! Dad said perhaps we need to remodel us instead of the house! hahah! I looked in the mirror and looked at all the wrinkles on my face. You know my sisters all got the pretty skin and I have always had this ugly pock marked skin, all thick in the cheeks. UGH! Dad knew what I was thinking. He said maybe I just needed more paint. I said, "Forget the paint! I need to be sanded and lacquered! HAHAHAH! Oh don't you wish you could be lacquered? hahah! I'd look like MaryJo! haha!"
My mother in law kills me.
This old house once knew its children This old house once knew its wife
This old house was home and comfort As they fought the storms of life
This old house once rang with laughter This old house heard many shouts
Now it trembles in the darkness When the lightning walks about
Ain't gonna need this house no longer Ain't gonna need this house no more
Ain't got time to fix the shingles Ain't got time to fix the floor
Ain't got time to oil the hinges Nor to mend the window pain
Ain't gonna need this house no longer He's getting ready to meet the saints
This old house is gettin' shaky This old house is gettin' old
This old house has seen the rain This old house has seen the cold
Oh his knees are gettin' chilly But he feels no fear or pain
'Cause he sees an angel peepin' Through a broken window pane
Ain't gonna need this house no longer Ain't gonna need this house no more
Ain't got time to fix the shingles Ain't got time to fix the floor
Ain't got time to oil the hinges Nor to mend the window pain
Ain't gonna need this house no longer He's getting ready to meet the saints
This ole house dog lies a-sleepin' He don't know I'm gonna leave
Else he'd wake up by the fireplace And he'd sit there and howl and grieve
But my huntin' days are over Ain't gonna hunt the coon no more
Gabriel done brought in my chariot When the wind blew down the door
Ain't gonna need this house no longer Ain't gonna need this house no more
Ain't got time to fix the shingles Ain't got time to fix the floor
Ain't got time to oil the hinges Nor mend the window pain
Ain't gonna need this house no longer He's getting ready to meet the saints.
Saturday, April 15, 2006
over heard...
man: "...well he and his brother own the place over on Waterman. I"ve never eaten there, but we have them bring in food from time to time at the meetings; and well, no matter how hard you try, you just can't mess up Italian food."
woman: " um yeah. You got that right."
...there was this kitten, in a tree...
Back in the late 80's, or maybe it was the early 90's (who cares?) I was busily trying to be a mom and also help out at church. One particular evening I had taught a class for what was then called "Homemaking Night". I don't remember the class, or even what I taught, what I do remember is a television commercial.
Our church building was fairly new, still very fresh and pretty, and the parking lot was still smooth and with brightly painted white lines between the spaces. We had parking lot lamps to illuminate the area during the dark, but they had been installed incorrectly somehow and didn't work. We also had large convenient spaces with a ramp for the handicapped near the door to the kitchen. The ramp was located between the spaces that had been marked with the familiar blue lines and the wheel chair icon at the base. Two signs were installed at the curbside indicating the special spaces. The ramp, however, remained the same deep fresh black of the asphalt parking lot. The long slope from the curb to the lot also had both its' side edges sloping sharply down, also unpainted and remaining black.
I was the last of the women that night to leave. I had assure the other women that I had only to finish packing up my boxes and bags and I would also be gone. I made several trips back and forth from the building unloading my things at the curbside. I locked the building and went to my car which was parked on the far side of the building. I drove it around to the handicap space and carefully backed it to the curb. I popped the trunk door up and began to pack in the boxes.
By then the hour was late, the night was dark, everyone had gone and I was pooped. I was glad to shut the latch on the trunk. I took my keys out of my pocket and began to walk to the front seat and go home. WOAH! I stepped on a rock and began to lose my balance. I felt the pain of the twisting and tearing of the tendons as I rolled my right foot on the rock. I quickly put all my weight on my left foot to try to not fall when, again I stepped on a rock of some kind, snapped the innards of my left foot and with the pain fell completely to the ground.
It only occurred to me as I laid there crying and laughing at the same time that I hadn't stepped on rocks at all. I had stepped onto the side of the unpainted handicap ramp; and with the angle being so sharp and, with my carelessness and tired thinking, I had not only broke my right foot with the angled pressure, but did the same thing to my left foot immediately afterward.
"I'VE FALLEN, AND I CAN'T GET UP!!!" I started to laugh to myself. I bet this looked hilarious. I am a visual person, I could see myself going down inside my head. This is hysterical! I have turned into that crazed old lady in the commercial! There weren't cell phones back then I was STUCK! I was truly wondering, "what the heck?" and "how am I going to get home?" I did a commando crawl to the front of the car. I rolled over onto my ample backside and reached to unlock and open the door. There in the dark I found the steering wheel and pulled myself up into the floorboard and eventually into the seat. (I have to tell you, if this happened today...well they would find my bleached bones laying there until someone came to my rescue. I was fat back then also, but I was in much better shape! 5 kids will do that to you!) By this time my legs, ankles and feet began to swell and throb. I could feel my feet tighten within my shoes and my pant legs beginning to shrink around the base of my calves.
I took a few minutes to breathe (and go to my happy place) and tried to start the car. The pain of stepping on the gas was incredible. Normally, the drive home would have been about three minutes. Because the pain was so intense I was only able to tap the breaks and gas pedal. I didn't want to go to fast because the thought of stopping made me cringe. It took me fourty five minutes to get home and I just rolled slowly through the lights, red, green or yellow; I didn't care if I got hit by a semi truck...the pain would at least go away during my coma.
Thor was waiting for me as I drove up. I honked on the horn until he came out of the house. I burst into tears as I tried to move my legs. (Why is it we do that? We can handle things until someone we trust can help is there and then we just fall apart and say "FEEL SORRY FOR ME!") Thor literally drug me out of the car and half carried me in to the house. I was so swollen he had to cut my pants off. Needless to say I am glad the kids were asleep by now! I decided nothing was broken and it was not worth waking up the kids and driving the hour + to the doctors, I could wait until morning.
I crawled around the house on my hands and knees and had to have Thor pick me up to use the potty and to help get me back down on my knees. Going to bed was another story, the sheet on my ankles was too much pressure, it hurt like the dickens, and I knew I was in trouble. I didn't get too much sleep that night.
The next morning Thor packed up all the kids and then I began the crawl out to the car. I got about half way down the front walk to the driveway when the neighbor drove by, slowed down for a good look, waved and drove on. (yes it's me, I am on the ground and crawling. It's a new thing in our house.) That same neighbor is our current Bishop's wife, and yes she brings this story up on occasion, ah good times!
The doctors and nurses couldn't believe that I had actually done this to myself and that it had been via a handicap ramp! The x-rays showed that I had torn all the ligaments and tendons in both ankles. The doctor asked me which leg hurt worse, "my left", "ok., we'll cast that one up. The other one will get a walking cast boot." So there I was with a hard cast on one foot and a gigantic boot thing-y on the other; plus crutches. Very attractive. I looked like the walking wounded. All I need was my head wrapped in gauze, a drummer on one side and a flag waver on the other. I could have been the piper in the middle. E-freaking-gads.
Sunday came and I was at church. The questions began, and for six weeks, everyone I met took one look at me and asked "WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?" After about week one, I began to make up stories. "I fell out of a plane and my 'shute didn't open." "I was trying to save a baby in a burning building. The only way was to jump out of the third story window." "Skiing the five black diamond coarse." "My repelling rope broke half way through my decent." It got to be fun, and I actually had some people going. Other people, the ones who know me, figured it was probably something like trying to commit harikari on a handicap ramp... that's something I would do.
By the way, just last year about this time, they finally got around to painting the blue stripes on the edges of the ramp and outlining the top surface. Oh, and the lamps are finally working also.
Wednesday, April 12, 2006
woohoo moon!
Friday, April 07, 2006
Mount Vernon
The last day of our stay we set out for Mount Vernon. Located about 16 miles south of D.C., not only was it a nice drive, but pretty as well. Upon arriving you make your way to a small cottage like ticket booth, gain entrance and make the short hike up to the residence around out buildings which include a gift shop (of course), the slave quarters, and a historical restoration room where you can read all about how the estate was brought back to it's original status. It seems that the original house was George's great grandfather's home and made it down to him after his own father's demise. He built on to the original house, adding not only upper levels, but the surrounding buildings and landscaped gardens, farms, etc. For his time, he was considered quite innovative and clever.
Difficult to see in the photos unless you click to view them larger, is the side of the home. Made from pine, the era dictated that wealth and status would glean a more expensive building material such as stone block. George, although quite wealthy, (consider that the dining room he added on was larger than most homes during that time) decided a better way to achieve the look without the investment of dollars, would be to engage craftsmen. The craftsmen would carve the planks of pine so that they resembled carved stone with grout lines. After the house was assembled the pine was covered with three coats of fresh white paint mixed with sand to give the appearance of stone. This was a technique that many used for the front facades of their homes, George had the entire building and it's pillars, etc. covered this way to carry the illusion even further than the neighbors.
Like I said, it's difficult to see in the photos, but it was a pretty good trick. Inside the home George eventually did the same faux techniques to fool his visitors. Pine paneling was installed throughout the home. What wasn't painted with the latest colour of paint was faux finished to resemble rich walnut. Tricky guy.
All in all the grounds were lovely and the view of the river -amazing. George prided himself in his being a farmer and the grounds reflect his passion. Nothing was left to chance. In later years, after his death, the land and it's buildings fell to his nephew and later to other relatives and in 1858 (i think) the Ladies in town said "enough!" Years of visitors and curiosity seekers had done a lot of damage and the entire estate was in disrepair. They gathered their purses and purchased the estate for $200,000.00 and began restoration.
Today it continues. 80% of the original wood is still part of the buildings, etc. Every year more and more of the original furnishings are purchased, leased, or on loan from the owners and placed according to their first intended use in the home. Currently the Ladies of Mount Vernon are busy little bees adding an upscale hotel, museum and other attractions such as restaurants, etc. There are at least three gift shops with everything from nickel and dime souvenirs to high dollar replicated china and silks. These ladies mean business in all it's dementions. They actually have a food court loosely based on the design of George's six sided barn; and the last entry hall you will see as you begin to "leave" has a marble inlay map of the entire estate.
My only suggestion to the ladies would be to visit either DC or SLC Temple Square and study the tour guides. Although it ran smoothly, the guides had a tendency to talk over one another and often you would hear the same information in two different stops, missing pertinent information in others. Still a really nice day.
Please click on the "Mount Vernon" at the top of the post. It will lead you to the official page where you can take a virtual tour of the grounds and especially the interior of the house (where, byw, you are not allowed to photograph). Click out the pop up buttons to get more info and check out the VIVID colours that were the popular rage! Woohoo!
Tuesday, April 04, 2006
a view from our nation's capital...
(cue "Hail to the Chief") We were told that, indeed, the very day we arrived was almost the peak of the blossoms. So when I woke up the first morning I went for a walk on what was described on virtually every form of media, "THE DAY". Yup, lots o' cherry blossoms on lots o' trees. I took the liberty (snicker) of snatching up all kinds of purty pictures of them. And, for all the MAJOR hype they give these truly exquisite trees, it is unfortunate that the bulk of them surround the part of the inlet that is encircled by monuments.
"But why?" you ask, "would that be a problem? Most of the tourists and residents would find that to be a central location and convenient for viewing!" Well, dear tourist, for those very reasons. You see for every blossom on a tree there are an equal and thensome person count; resulting in the perfect opportunity to take out pretty much 68% of the junior high school spring break tour kids along with their 1-15 ratio of chaperones; plus the other spring break tourists; and the folks such as Thor and I who were booked to experience this autobotanical treat whilst learning more about the bin-niss. This mathematical equation results in a gazillion people all trying to view the same trees in the same spot. Yikes-ola!
I kind of wish these trees were everywhere. There are a few scattered here and there, however, they tend to be a tad more spectacular along the "lake" crowded against each other and reflected in the waters thereon and framing said monumental attractions. I was fortunate enough to be staying in a hotel where the capital was a block from us. There were enough trees there to get the sensation of the "holiday", however, I must admit, even being in a tourist trolley (yup, actually did that) and riding rather quickly by the trees while viewing them from street distance...still very pretty.
One thing you learn about DC is that it is a walking town. Everyone walks and they walk everywhere. That being said, the traffic is horrendous! It is in a constant state of "jam" just about 24-7 during this particular week. If you are in a car, understand that you will be in that car and make about as much ground length distance/time as if you were walking. The smart people in this town ride bikes, scooters, or BIKES. Or the subway; which rocks. The deal is this: There are so many things to see that every hotel lists itself as being located "within walking distance of the mall, complete with it's museums and government buildings!" They never tell you that the mall is 87 miles long and the government buildings and museums aren't all lining its' edges, but in fact can be a block or two, or five, this direction or that; and walking can mean walking all day and then finishing up your day with a $65.00 cab ride back to your hotel which is now not within walking distance. It's like tourist crack. You go to one building and then you just keep going and going and thinking to yourself it is fine. Your legs don't register just how far you have gone. Your brain takes over. Your camera is overwhelmed and under loaded. Just about the time you think you are getting to the good stuff, you find more, walk more, need more batteries. I took 239 photos in one afternoon. I mean, really people, crack.
Then there are the other -"further from the hotel"- must sees. Arlington, Old Alexandria, Dupont Circle, Falls Church, Foggy Bottom, Chevy Chase (seems to be a theme these days), Mount Vernon and well you can actually make a day trip out of going up to Baltimore, Down to Virginia, or even out to Altlantic City like our friends did. Personally I do like to take the car out and drive. I love to walk around the National Cathedrial (where all are welcome...even the LDS missionaries I saw there!). If you ever get the opportunity I suggest an hour or two there...very cool. Dupont Circle (area) is also awesome. Most of the Embassies are there, along with gorgeous homes, shops and restaraunts. The Temple is near Chevy Chase, also a beautiful neighborhood. And, although I did not get an opportunity to "go in", I finally found Gallaudet, while Thor found every other major University in the tri-state area. Go somebody! I think one of them had a turtle as a mascot, and then there was George Mason(? - you cannot believe how many "george" things are here...nuts, Georgetown- named for the king, not the president...go figure.) who was in a final four thing.... I am in unfamiliar territory here so I am going to stop; but it was HUGE for all the people we met who lived there.
It is obvious from reading the above, history is not my thing. I enjoy it, I am fascinated by it while I am in it's presence. But it's not my thing and no, I don't remember dates, or names. Events? Yes, those I remember, the why, just not who shot whom and when they shot.
Been three times now and could still go back and enjoy myself more. DC. Darn Cool, for s'mee.
newsflash
o.k. So I am home and can review the DC adventure.
First off, I (we) missed conference and I can't tell you how bummed I am about that, so keep writing folks, I have to wait until Thursday before I can read the talks in full. I view it as punishment, (thank you Jewish heritage.)
Alrighty then. I have been to DC now, three times. Every time I go there is something I pick up on that I didn't know before. This time the big epiphany was trees.
The east has trees, lot of 'em! I knew this the privious times I visited, but I just couldn't put my finger on why I was so caught up in the whole tree thing there.
I grew up in California. We have trees also. We have what some folks call the giants. You know, things like the sequoias or maybe the redwoods- big trees you can drive through. Heck we even name big trees here in CA after presidents, government offices and yes, General Sherman; which happens to be our biggest tree. So when I land and begin to see literally gazillions of trees lining the highway and these wooded areas between the houses and all over the place I was, to say the least, fascinated.
They kind of give me the creeps. These are the trees that you here about on the news. "A body was found near the trees along the bike path at Wildwood Park in Maryland today..." Or the kind of trees in those "Real Ghost Stories" t.v. shows. The kind with shadowy figures just out of your view that somehow are always out of focus. This is where Little Red Riding Hood disobeyed and got caught up in danger.
Another thing about these trees is they are all probably very old, but a teenaged boy couldn't hide behind one of them! These trees are seriously thin, like the size of your thigh if your lucky. I now understand what all the fuss over the redwoods is all about. I am used to seeing trees, average trees up in "my" mountains, that Thor could hide behind and never be seen or heard from again. We get reports of "lost families" or "lost troops of boy scouts" because some ranger forgot to look behind EVERY tree to see if someone was asleep as he walked by. It's possible. The trees out here, and I live in a desert, are huge compared to those on the east coast. Amazing. I am an idiot. I just now got this.
Wednesday, March 29, 2006
fly
o.k. So I am sitting in an airport terminal (#2 to be exact) and because we are here about 2 hours early, thought I'd write a blog entry. I will say in advance that because I am using the laptop and it's Thor's, I can't enable the spellcheck...so sorry about any spelling errors.
I have decided that although I really hate dropping 65,000 feet (heck I hate dropping 4 feet) flying is a must. If flying is a must then I prefer to go Jetblue. One reason is they have a "port" (is that what they call it?) in Long Beach aka John Wayne Airport. For S'mee this is a good thing. The drive from our house is faster than most of the other airports and the freeways we need to take to get there are usually less active than the other more crowded freeways, i.e. the 60, the 91...yikes.
Another reason is the parking is pretty hassle free. Easy to find number one. Have you ever tried to find the danged parking lots for the correct terminal at LAX? Holy Hannah! John Wayne has a small little lot and the shuttle drivers search you out and pick you up at your car, no hiking to the nearest tram stop. Yes, I am lazy when lugging heavy baggage and while toting my carry-on and wearing a wool coat in the rain. (and yes, I know that last sentence was really ugly, but I am way tired)
So here we are waiting for 8:00 to arrive. We went to bed last night at about 10:30 thinking we could get in a good night sleep and be fresh for the 3:30 wake up call and drive into town. Well it was as if we were both 10 years old and anticipating a trip to Disneyland for the first time. Neither of us could sleep a wink. Not even tired! UGH! So we laid there and watch Leno and even that didn't help. Up at 3:30 and in the car.
D.C. awaits our arrival. D.C. is always interesting. Thor never knows until sometime during a meeting or conference (which is it this time???) if he will get an invite to this party or that and if someone "important" will be there to glad hand or ask for money, support, or endorsements. Sometimes these rubber chicken dinners are actually a good time. Like the time he was invited to a company dinner (no expectations, just come and eat). Arrive at such in such Italian eatery and tell them the group name. At that he was led to the top floor of the building and sat down to an all night feed fest complete with strolling Italian musicians who led everyone in drinking songs after the meal was finished. There was the time we were entertained by the most amazing Flaminco dancers, so close to us you could feel the heat from their bodies and get an occasional splat of their sweat.
There was one breakfast here in SoCal when we were able to meet the (then) current governor. It sounds impressive until you realize the guy will never remember meeting you. That particular breakfast happens every year on the same day... it can be a recurring nightmare. For instance the years they had this little girl "entertain" us. She had a pretty good voice for a child, but let's get real. What the real important part was she had a very good stage mom who is somewhere as we speak trying, pushing that same sad little girl into pageants or American Idol for the preteen set. During one performance, not only did the little gal not know the correct words to our National Anthem (and the rockets did dare- to go up in the air...), but kept singing it over and over incorrectly. Follow that up by a horrendous rendition of "Wind Beneath My Wings" sang personally to the awkwardly put on the spot governor who just stood there like "what the heck???". As the song was nearing it's tedious end the governor raised his hands over his head and waved them "in the air like he just don't care" and this gave her an opening to slide into another song.... the poor man had a look on his face like "SOMEONE STOP HER!!!" I kept waiting for Secret Service Agents to take her out, but your tax dollars were not at work that day. Two more 8 year old versions of country pop hits like "I'm Proud To Be An American" and pretty much everyone wanted to hurl.
Well gotta go, see you in D.C.!
Saturday, March 25, 2006
knowledge and "useful" knowledge
With all talk about knowledge and how it can help one during life over at Conversation, it brought back a memory of mine.
Thor and I like to drive down to Santa Monica and hang out on a Friday or Saturday night at the 3rd Street promenade. It's a 3-5 block section of 3rd Street that is closed off to traffic making it a pedestrian strolling mall dotted with street performers and artists. Also, the stores along the street are trendy, high end and some are down right kooky. Bookstores have always been a place for us to hang out.
Way back in the day, before Barnes and Noble landed on the Promenade there was a large albeit funky bookstore with all sorts of nooks furnished with cozy chairs or couches for you to peruse a piece of interesting literature. Thor would usually pick up a book of sci-fi, religion, or a piece of history. S'mee? I went for the real crainial stuff one night: "How Do They Do That? Famous People explain how they do what it is they do that has made them famous!" It had all sorts of "famous" people in it, stunt riders, sword swallowers, and I picked it up and thumbed through it... "Chevy Chase -famous for prat falls down stairs." So I stood there for about a minute and read how he was able to throw himself down staircase after staircase and just stand right up and smile... unhurt. How does he do it???
Fast forward about ten years. A friend of mine had a child who was having to testify in a very nasty court case. I went along with her to the County Seat to lend moral support. About the third day in, the day I happened to be in a red skirt and jacket with my favorite red suede heels, the court broke for lunch and we all headed out for a bite. The court room we were attending was on the third floor. The building is one of those magnificent old buildings with high vaulted ceilings, marble floors and grand marble staircases that took competition away from the one elevator. The kind of elevator that has a older gentleman to open the accordion gated door and actually hand operate the half moon style floor directory as it jolted to a start and stop.
For whatever reason we were the last to leave and I was at the end of the 40 or so person pack descending the staircase. I started down the staircase and my pretty red kitten heel became caught on (what's the luck?) the small sandpaper strip that is glued (or not) onto the edge of the slippery marble step to keep one from falling down the stairs. Did I mention this was the second step from the top? And that the staircase was very long as to accommodate the tall ceilings and actual floor heights? My foot came out of the shoe part of the way and hung on for dear life in the toe. Well, (you could see this coming right?) I began to fall.
And fall I did. And as I fell I could immediately see that the folks ahead of me on the descending stairs were turning to look at me, and seeing me -in all my red blurry glory heading straight for them- saved themselves and got out of my way by squishing themselves up against the railings. As this started to happen my mind raced back to the book on Chevy Chase. It's weird how fast your mind can work! "All I do is commit and go with it knowing if I resist I will get more bruising and broken bones than if I just relax. So I get a beating and land safely, but abruptly at the bottom in a heap."
I was literally doing somersaults like Chevy Chase on his best SNL skit -all the way down, passing the normal folks as they watched in stunned horror. SPLAT! I landed right at the bottom, head down first with one leg hooked in the railing, my red skirt over my head, and the other leg twisted around my body, arms flailed against my crumpled shoulders, in dead silence.
My girlfriend ran down the stairs while everyone else just stood and held their breath. She gently pulled the skirt from my face (checking to see if I was still alive perhaps), and then tried to de-prezelize my limbs. I was crying, but more than crying I was laughing. I mean really! (hey I am laughing again just remebering it!) This had to be pretty amazing to witness. I was, as Chevy Chase predicted, bruised and beat, but otherwise unscathed. The major injury was my dignity and modesty, and my panty hose. They were obliterated to say the least. When the witnesses could see I had survived a lone voice was heard: "In the middle of a court house and not one attorney to witness this."
One gentleman went back up the staircase to retrieve my lone shoe, still faithfully hanging onto the safety tape by it's little heel. I replaced the shoe, fluffed up my dignity and went to lunch with the crowd.
I swear, if I ever meet Chevy Chase in person I will hug him for literally saving my life. All because I read a couple of sentences he wrote on how to survive falling down a staircase.
Monday, March 20, 2006
Agency equals Power (and Magic!)
I was chatting with two different women from our ward this afternoon (at 2 different times) about the situation we all face. Both are aware of the stats and both admitted to me that [they] felt like [they] were a part of the problem. I needed to explain my frustration is not with people who need help...whatever kind of help it may be; my frustration comes from those who continually beg for help and then argue why they cannot use what it is that has been given them. (Mental illness, retardation and other medical/physical conditions are obviously situations where one's abilities are not capable of total independance. This discussion is for those who have certain ability.)
Example: If my body is lacking fuel it begins to tell me in ways that should not be ignored. If I feed my body- the signals for fuel stop. When the tank gets low again I must feed it or the growling becomes loud and annoying and eventually destructive to my health. This is normal.
If my mind is lacking a chemical it begins to send messages that also cannot be ignored. Doctors prescribe medications to fill the lack and my mind stops sending messages. If or when the chemical is lacking again, more signals will be sent or the mind begins to growl loudly, I can be annoying, and eventually the lack of chemical will cause destructive health problems. Taking prescription medications is just fine as long as you keep to the doctors orders.
If my Spirit is lacking there are also signs that can be detected. We have been taught how to feed the Spirit. This too, is a constant maintenance that must be monitored or our Spirit begins to fade, we become too loud to hear it and eventually without proper fuel, the lack of Spirit in our life allows destructive situations. This is part of an eternal plan, use it or lose it.
If someone has provided food for me to take, I should eat it. If I am supposed to take medications, I should do so properly, I should read my scriptures daily.
When I approach someone and beg them for advice, I should try to be receptive to that which they counsel me. I should not counter every tool of help with an excuse for non-use of that tool. I need to understand that although some people do not share all their past woes or histories, they may have indeed experienced particular hardships, trials, addictions, whatever... and that I am not the only person to have this burden or trial.
I need to understand that throughout life there will always be hurdles to overcome and that I alone have control over what I think and do with my life. Others may influence me, but the entire responsibility along with all the rewards and consequences are mine alone to reap.
I get to choose how I will respond to every situation in my life.
The first woman I talked with is one of the folks that has a pattern of finding fault with everyone and every situation... including herself; and also has perfected the art of deflection. No matter what you give her to help her out she finds a reason why it will not work for her. There is always an excuse. She remains continually unhappy although she is healthy and has a beautiful family and home; much beyond what most women her age and circumstance have.
The second woman is on anti-depression medications and has been for several years. She is bright, happy, and productive. She provides generously for her own family and others. She contributes to the church and it's auxiliaries and is a compassionate leader. She does, however feel weird that she is on meds and "not normal". The fact is -she is more normal than the first gal who refuses to accept her life. The first gal is constantly on the look out for someone who has it better than she, easier than she, more than she. The result is the first gal is constantly unhappy.
The difference between these two women is that the first gives all of her power away while the second recognizes her power and uses it wisely. The second, while clinically depressed, chooses to feed her brain what it lacks and then chooses to "live, work, and do." She chooses to be happy even when her brain is telling her it is almost impossible. She chooses to believe she has the power to change her stars; to make her life the way she wants it to be.
The first gives her power to whomever is around at the moment. Without her power she cannot choose for herself, others choose how she will feel, think, live. "Prudence made me feel ugly!" "Brutus said we were dull!" She is niether ugly nor dull, but gives others her power and accepts what they tell her.
Satan's plan was for us to give him our power. He would get to choose for us. We wouldn't need to be bothered or depressed. We probably would not have had as many sicknesses or bills to pay. Perhaps all of our children would have been lovely and intelligent. But the Saviour preferred to allow us to be depressed, in debt and not as pretty as the other girls. He also allowed us to choose how we would respond when someone made an ugly remark, when our brain lacked a chemical, or when we see our children do better than we ever expected. We get to choose.
In the end that is a key. I can choose to feed what needs to be fed and accept my trials. I can choose to stick to the plan or I can choose to give my power to one who demanded it in the beginning. As for me, I guess on earth I am a rebel. I choose to choose. I choose to be happy.
Sandra's seen a leprechaun,
Eddie touched a troll.
Laurie danced with withches once,
Charlie found some goblin's gold.
Donald heard a mermaid sing,
Suzy spied an elf,
But all the magic I have known
I've had to make myself.
Magic -by Shel Silverstein
Saturday, March 18, 2006
Happiness
I have been absent on the blog entries more than usual lately. Our ward's Relief Society President took about five weeks off, we are about half way through those five weeks, things have been...what's the word???
In her absence, the Bishop assigned the other counselor and myself as co-presidents. His exact words were: "In ____absence, you two are in charge. Find things that need to be done. Find a way to fix them. If you think I need to know about it, call me. Let me know if you want changes or if something comes up that a Bishop needs to know. DO NOT call _____. If she calls you, just tell her things are fine and ask about her trip. Change the subject. If she does not go out of town and you see her in the store, ignore the fact that she is still here. She will "be gone" for at least 5 weeks; here or otherwise. She knows I am putting you two in change while she is gone and she should expect things to run smoothly, but with changes while she is gone. You are not going behind her back or over her head. You two are in effect the President. Call me and report when you need to." And at that point my co-partner and I fell to our knees.
Well, let me start out by saying that originally our ward was the ward to live in. It is the ward from which all other wards sprang. It is now the ward in which the newly wed or nearly dead flock to because of the cost of housing. It is also the best place to "hide". Both in the church and out, if you don't want people to find you - this is a good place to move. It has the largest square mileage of any of the wards within the stake and happens to have what are described by those in the know as "fuzzy borders", meaning there is only one strong definitive street while the other borders are mountains or rivers or landmarks which constitute you have gone over the edge -so to speak into another ward.
Our ward, because of those fuzzy borders and economic structure has the largest number of members; and the largest number (per capita, percentage wise, and by the regular numbers) of inactive or less active members. This reality means that literally half of our Relief Society sisters are on a "letter only" visiting teaching list and there are about 15 or so "DO NOT CONTACT"s as well. An example: When I was in Y.W. our part of the stake was reorganized and formed into new wards and realigned ward borders. When this happened, our ward lost 5 active girls and gained 7 inactive, 3 of those were "DO NOT CONTACT"s. We gained no active girls. This was typical of what happened to our ward families also. Prior to the ward change the majority of the stake leaders came from our ward, now, our ward has so few leadership possibilities that only the bare minimum is represented from our ward. Our stake leaders are advised not to call stake leaders from our ward unless absolutely no one else can be called simply because their are so few capable or worthy to hold leadership positions within the ward itself. The ward cannot afford to lose what leadership it has to the stake.
Within our stake we have the largest number of families on Church Welfare and assistance, some of whom are considered "life time" recipients because of their circumstances. We also have the largest number of members who qualify for LDS Social Services (read: psychological counseling on a weekly basis). It is a daunting fact to read through the ward list and check off literally one half of our sisters as having clinical depression or other psychological problems, some who have been institutionalized for a period of time. When considering the spouses of these sisters you realize that there isn't a lot of support or understanding with most (not all) of the male counterparts in these homes. We also have brethren who have these same mental health issues.
For those of you who have read this blog from the beginning know that I used to write about how literally one half of our Primary was considered "special needs" due to mental illness or retardation. We are not talking about children who are behind or who struggle with ADD/ADHD. Add those to the mix and the numbers rise.
We have 178 sisters in our Relief Society. Out of our ward I can count 17 sisters who do not work to help support the family; 6 of those 17 are sisters over the age of 55- which brings the stay at home moms to 11. (If you are calculating... realize that most of our senior sisters also have to work to make ends meet.) Most of the folks in our ward who work, work with at least a 3 hour per day commute, some even more. This means both parents are out of the home for at least 11 hours each day. Some of these families decide that it is better to just "stay at work during the week" (meaning they find a hotel or other place to stay) because the commute doesn't equal the gas money spent or the hours just do not allow for the drive time. This means at least one parent without any physical contact with their children for at least 5 days a week. When the week end comes, usually it is clean up and chore time; time to finish all the stuff that didn't get done late at night during the week. Family time is still limited or consumed with other activity.
It has been a very sad battle for quite some time. I am not sure what to do except pray, and pray I do; hard. It is sad for me to face Sunday knowing the strife that comes with sisters who are so burdened with chronic illness, death, family struggles, depression, rejection, over work, neglect, poverty, and yes, the mentally ill -some of whom wreak havoc on a weekly basis.
Relief Society is, at best, a gamble each Sunday. Or as Forrest Gump's mother said, like a box of chocolates in that we never know what we will get. Even from some of the teachers, week to week is a stress filled surprise for me. I sit on the edge of my seat each week hoping, praying that no one says something hurtful or anti-doctrinal. Most weeks, we spend 20-40 minutes after the block trying to heal an offence that has occurred during a lesson.
I pray that the stress will be lifted from these women. I pray that the leadership we do have is strong enough to gently correct when need be and to lovingly forgive the same offenders over and over, and to encourage others to as well. I pray for inspiration and compassion. I pray for strength and endurance. I will be honest, I am weary of it all. I want normal again. I want easy. I want all the sisters to have what I think I have, happiness.
I am not sure what or why. I do know I am supposed to be learning something and that in the long run I will be thankful for all the things I am learning. My biggest fear is that somehow this is preparing me for even more frenzy and conflict. I am not good with confrontation and contention; had enough of that while I was a kid. But perhaps all that prepared me enough to go through this now and help balance the feelings in Relief Society. I sing to myself happy songs and try to find the positives in each week, and the motivations behind the hurt in the sisters. I come home most weeks and cry. But I keep going back because I know there is something I am not learning. I keep hearing in my head, "Be still, and know that I am God." It brings me a smile and hope and a warm feeling that I am not in this alone but with Heavenly Father, and it will be o.k.
It also brings to mind that only through the Fullness of the Gospel are we truly happy. Sometimes it is hard to be happy when surrounded by those who refuse to be or who are incapable of it. But being happy is mostly as gift we gift ourselves, an attitude, a goal of the heart and mind.
I am happy today for the sunshine, for the skies of gray or blue; for within my heart is the song of life: "I'll live, I'll work, I'll do!" No cloud can cast a shadow over courage such as mine; and I'll sing a song as I go along, "I'll live, I'll work, I'll do!" -Mr. & Mrs. N.W. Christiansen, Sing With Me! G-19
Friday, March 10, 2006
AB 539
Hey folks, I am asking for a huge favor...
According to AB 539, the state of California is supposed to provide the state boards required for licensing dental hygienists every March, the next one being in 2007. The congress and other officials have decide to just blow this law off and thus make all the graduating students wait an addition 6 months and pay extra fees to take the boards.
This means that instead of being able to go directly to work and pay off student loans they will NOT be legally available. How would you like to work through school, graduate and then not be able to work just because the government wants you to wait - illegally breaking a law that regulates the tests that will get you to work? How would you begin to pay back those student loans on time?
These students need your help.
If you agree that this is unfair and would like to try to influence these congress would you please send s'mee an e-mail? All you need to do is send an e-mail with your first and last name and address, and I will place it on a letter and send it off for you. THANKS!!! If you want to read the letter before you agree to have your signature placed, write requesting a copy and I will send it to you asap!
If this can happen in CA it can happen anywhere. Let's stop this if we can. THANKS!
Tuesday, March 07, 2006
may I suggest...
Wow. Every once in a while you read a post that just knocks you down inside. For S'mee today's such post was from Danny Gregory at Everyday Matters entitled: Gran. Go have a look, take in what he has to say and then go do something amazing today.
Monday, March 06, 2006
More fun...
I have to admit that I am not sure if I am a good guy or a bad guy... I am the only person on the planet who doesn't read Harry Potter... but at David B.'s blog he suggests a fun game to find out who you really are. Here are my result. Please tell me is I am o.k. or not in Harry potter World!
You scored as Albus Dumbledore. You are very wise, observant, and analyctical. You have a very "well-organized" mind, which makes you function in a calm and fair manner. Though you get angered easily, its rare of you to ever act our of temper. You are constantly seeing the good in people and are naturally forgiving because of it. You're easy to please and a great person to learn from.
Harry Potter Character Combatibility Test created with QuizFarm.com |
Sunday, March 05, 2006
TAGGED!
Jewel on the Cryptic Lady's Couch Tagged me! THANKS!!! (i love this stuff) Here it GOES!
Four Jobs I Have Had in My Life:
1. Door to door saleman for both Current Cards (first actual money/check getting job -as a 10 year old) and Mason Shoes, which trust me, as a ten year old, this was a tough job, but I actually made some money.
2. Manager for a Sanrio Surprises! Store (Hello Kitty! One of the most fun jobs I have had)
3. not quite like this guy but definitely a Wedding Gopher (Best friend owned a Bridal Consulting/Wedding Planner business and I did everything from decorating cakes to designing sets for theme weddings, catering to floral designs...yikes, one of the hardest most time consuming jobs...ever!)
4. ASLTeaching-Instructional Aide/Main-Stream interpreter for the hearing impaired K-12
Four Movies I Watch Over and Over
1. A&E Pride and Prejudice (at least once a month or we're just not living)
2. The Princess Bride
3. Chocolat and Dark Chocolate!
4. Life is Beautiful (Italian version with English sub-titles)
Four Places I've Lived (understanding that S'mee and siblings moved about 20+ times before I graduated from High School, sometimes two and three times a year. This list could go on forever....)
1. San Diego, CA, and especially this part of it.
2. Hemet, CA (don't know where this is??? ask a gramma or grampa, they can tell you)
3. Carlsbad, CA
4. Oceanside, CA
Four TV shows you love to watch
1. No Reservations with Anthony Bourdain
2. Samantha Brown Great Hotels/Passport to Europe with Samantha Brown
3. Sugar Rush with Warren Brown
4. pretty much anything on Public Television
Four Websites you visit daily
1. My sis Chronicler's two sites:Food and Cooper
2. eye candy
3. more eye candy
4. yet even more...eye candy
---they just inspire and make me happy everyday!
Four of My Favorite Foods
1. Chocolate (you are what you eat)
2. Yum!Steamed Salmon with Creamed Peas
3. Gramma's recipes for: goulash, oatmeal, cocoa with toast, pork chops, chocolate mayo cake, lemon coconut cake, date cake and date cookies
4. a really great juicy Teddy's cheeseburger with a terrific side salad made with euro greens, add onion rings, plus a killer malt (with crunchy tiny bits of actual malt) and I am a happy girl.
Four Places I'd rather be right now (know that all these require the presence of Thor or I would just as soon stay where I am at!)
1. any clean warm beach
2. Hawaii!
3. Alaska!
4. Tahiti!
Four folks to pass this on to:
1. Big Dave B. over at The Whole Note (he is much more formal, "David B.", but frankly, if he were in my circle of "real" life friends, I am sure after about two weeks he'd be "Big Dave".)
2. Holli Jo otherwise know as Mrs. Ronk
3. Chubby Hubby you gotta check this cook out!
4. Susan from Strange Pulse!
Hey thanks for reading! Thanks to those who will (hopefully) participate! I am kind of curious to see what these interesting and completely different folks have to say!
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